by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

“Preventive Discipline”

         We’ve all heard of preventive maintenance.  We check the roof of our house to make sure we replace it before we get leaks to cause greater damage.  We get regular oil changes for our cars to prevent engine damage, etc.  Why not do some preventive work with our children so we won’t have to discipline them later??

         What kind of preventive discipline can we do?  Believe it or not, one of the very best actions we can take is to teach children good manners.  Since the basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others, by teaching this, many future problems can be avoided.  

         Take, for instance, the fussing and arguing that so often occurs with youngsters.  If the child has been taught to be kind and considerate to others, he will not always demand his own way.  Instead, he will think of making the other person happy.  Don’t most arguments occur because someone wants his or her own way?  If that person has been taught to be kind and considerate of others, many arguments can be avoided.  

         Often, we adults are guilty of punishing a child for doing something wrong when the child has not previously been made to understand that that particular action was unacceptable. Children should have clear concepts of what is expected ahead of time else the punishment is really unfair.  We can prevent much discipline by taking the time to teach the child why or why not he should act a certain way.  Only then is it fair to punish a child for poor behavior.

         Another way to prevent the need for discipline is to control the environment of the child.  To some extent we can control situations and see that a child does not get put in a place where his weaknesses will undoubtedly lead to misbehavior.  This is especially true with very young children.  If you know two children are going to fight over a toy, take one child with you to do something else before he sees the toy.  As children grow older, become acquainted with families whose children will be a good influence on your children.  Control the child’s acquaintances.  My dad used to say, “One boy a whole boy, two boys a half boy, and three boys no boy at all”.

         A part of controlling a child’s environment includes choosing a good school and taking children to acceptable places of recreation.  We need to be involved in the social life of children.  Some might say, “Teens don’t want their parents around”. This may be true but they need parents whether they want them or not.  The flip side is that parents should try not to embarrass their children. However, our parenting does not end when children become teenagers.  In fact, I dare say, we are needed much more at this time.  It is so great to see teenagers who are not afraid to give mom and dad a hug and kiss in front of their friends!

         If we watch closely, we will find many ways to stop the need for discipline.  We will never get to the place where no discipline is needed, but we can certainly eliminate a great deal of it. Much of the time, we can guide and direct children in the way they should go without being harsh.