Monthly Archives: February 2022

Children Can Learn Good Manners

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…)Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Can Learn Good Manners

         One might wonder if everyone has given up on teaching children good manners. In most casual conversations, it is common to hear, “Oh, that’s the way kids are nowadays!”  This is usually said in a tone of resignation as though there is nothing that can be done about it. Not true!

         Children can be taught good manners if we work at it and refuse to accept the status quo of behavior.  We must not permit bad manners.  We need to set an example of using good manners.  We need to condemn the use of bad manners in society.

         Are we too tired to take the trouble to correct children?  Do we give up and think it is hopeless to teach children when seemingly everyone around is using bad manners?  Most of us would agree that better manners are needed not only by children, but good manners are needed by adults in today’s society as well.  

         The basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others. At any point where we see a child being inconsiderate of another person, that child should be stopped.  Questions stimulate thinking.  A good question to ask such a child is, “How would you feel if someone did or said that to you?”  Most children will not think about the feelings of others unless they are taught to do so by such questions.  Also, children should be required to apologize when they have been inconsiderate of others.  Some children who may continue to hurt others should be disciplined. Since teachers are not allowed to do as much discipline as in past days, it is left up to the parents to administer that discipline.. We must be consistent in our expectations and punishment.  If we tell a child not to do something, we should not let the child get by with doing it even one time.  Every time a child is allowed to get by with something he/she has been told not to do, that child thinks that the adult did not mean what was said and continues the action.

         It is not surprising that so many children seem to have bad manners considering the example that they constantly see in adults around them.  We are living in a society that seems to have forgotten about good manners.  In our homes, we get so busy that good manners are pushed aside to hurry and get something done.  Adults often interrupt when others are talking.  On TV the sitcoms seem to try to outdo each other in the amount of rudeness that is portrayed to bring laughs.  Our politicians do not set a good example in conversation.  Protestors often demonstrate more bad manners than they demonstrate the need for a cause.  We need to set an example at home and in society of kindness and consideration of others.

         It would be nice if all children could quickly recite the golden rule.  “Do to others as you would have others do to you” is certainly a wonderful rule to live by.  Perhaps we should post it in every home and classroom and require the children to recite it often. Not until we take action will children develop good manners, but they can learn to behave in pleasing ways.

Motivating Children to Learn

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor,com

Motivating Children to Learn

            We’ve come a long way in education from the days when my dad would walk to school barefoot and have children laugh at him and spit on his feet.  He, as well as many other children of his day, endured such things because they wanted an education so desperately.  We’ve all heard the story of how Abraham Lincoln used charcoal to write and studied in the light from the fire in his cabin.  There was no talk of how to motivate children to learn at that time. Rather, the concern was for how to give children the opportunity to satisfy their longing to learn.

            Understanding the reason those of the past wanted to learn so badly helps us understand why children have the problem being motivated to learn now.  Was it not that those individuals of the past wanted to better their often miserable lives?  They had hope that an education would help them gain things that would make life easier.  Contrast that motivating factor to today’s children who already have things pretty easy in most cases and have no hope to make life any better.  In the film “The Student”, Rodney Dangerfield had one word of advice to those who were graduating and getting ready to face the world on their own.  That word was “don’t”.  He said, “Stay at home with your mom and dad”.  That pretty much sums up how the younger generation feels about their future.  The children are feeling pretty comfortable where they are.  In addition, if they are not comfortable, they are pretty sure someone will jump in and rescue them, so why worry about their future?

            Knowing the reasons for lack of motivation forms the basis for choosing what to do to correct today’s problem.  First of all, children must understand a need for learning.  They must also develop an appreciation for the opportunity to learn. Both of these needs require straight talk giving information that many of our children have not been given.  

            In a well-meaning effort to shield our children of worry and to ensure they have a happy childhood, we have robbed them of a facet of education they sorely need.  They need to know that there is a good chance that they may not always have life so comfortable unless they prepare themselves well.  They need to be informed of enough current events and the situation of our country to understand that the future is not all that bright for them.  They need to be a little frightened.  Small children do not need the “full dose” of our country’s situation, but they need to know enough to sense the importance of being prepared for their future.  As they grow older, they need to obtain added information.

            The development of appreciation for their opportunity to learn can be difficult. Most appreciation, however, comes from the home.  Parents need to make efforts to be friendly and appreciative to a child’s teacher to set a good example.  It doesn’t hurt for the child to know how schools were in the past and what people went through to get an education. It is a good thing for them to contrast the past with the present.  It is human nature to want the things we can’t have and to not want the things that are forced on us.  A “what if” scenario is helpful to enlighten children about what the future holds. “What if you couldn’t go to school and learn?” is a good question to ask to help children appreciate what they have. Actually, the Covid virus fear has caused some children to experience not being able to go to school.  However, I’m not sure if many actually miss the learning or if most simply want to be back with friends.  At least, it is causing some to have to consider what life would be like without school.  

            Children need to know what their education costs.  Putting a price tag on each item in a classroom is an eye-opener for most.  Simply being told the amount of money it costs per student per year also enlightens.  Having a real person tell what was paid from his/her income for the school in taxes the previous year is helpful.  Children need to know these things. Teachers could give each child “play money” and require them to “pay” for the items being used in class.

            Most teachers, parents, and church workers like to use what are actually bribes in some cases to try to motivate.  These are temporary stop-gap measures at best.  Candy, pizza, field trips, and prizes are a few of the bribes or rewards frequently used.  There is a place for some of these to help make learning more pleasant.  We must realize, however, that if these kinds of rewards are done extensively, by the time a child gets to upper grades, they no longer are special.  In an effort to have more and more excitement, the student may turn to drugs or other things in order to get self pleasure.  They become bored with the “same old things”. Children are not motivated by things that are easily obtained because they are not special.  They keep looking for more and more. Unfortunately, children are often given the prize, bribe, or reward without really deserving it.  That can only add to the feeling of “Why should I do the work since I will be rewarded anyway?  I’m comfortable the way I am!”

            Each child is unique and motivation must be chosen according to that child’s background and present circumstances.  However, “Necessity is the mother of invention” and unless a child understands the necessity of an education, that child will not be motivated to make the effort to learn. We practice what we truly believe.  Unless a child truly believes that an education is important, that child may not be motivated to learn no matter what we do.

Children Need Help Making Friends

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Need Help Choosing Friends

         Most children are very concerned about having friends.  They not only want to have friends, but they want to have many friends.  There are some things that children need to understand early about friendship. They need to know the definition of a friend, how to choose a friend, and that no matter how hard they try, they will never have everyone as a friend.

         It is too bad that so many children get confused as to what a good friend really is.  They often think that just because someone plays with them or pays attention to them, that that person is a friend.  A true friend is someone who wants what is best for a person.  A true friend is someone that you don’t have to worry about pleasing all the time because you know that the friend will stick with you even when you make a mistake.  

         Since children worry about being liked, they often tend to do whatever they think another person will like.  Most children tend to think that friends just happen.  It is important to develop an attitude in a child that friends can be chosen.  It isn’t necessary to just accept anyone who comes along as a friend.  The Bible tells us that to have friends, we must be friendly to others.  The best way to make friends is to choose someone the child would like to have as a friend and show that person kindness and understanding. Often that person is someone who may be rejected by others.  Since that person may have experienced rejection, he/she knows how it hurts to be rejected.  This instills a quality of faithfulness to others to prevent hurting someone as he/she has experienced. 

         On Valentine’s Day, children tend to count valentines to see who got the most.  Those who get very few go home from school feeling sad.  Those who get many go home feeling elated.  True love and friendship is much more than giving a valentine, although it is nice to have a day set aside to think about love and friendship.  Valentine’s Day provides a good opportunity to teach children that true love and friendship puts the other person first. It isn’t a matter of how many valentines someone got, but rather whether the child is doing what is right to be a friend to others. Children need to know that most people are very blessed to have even a few good friends.  

         The Bible also says that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  A person who has true friends- the kind that stick with you-is rich indeed.  The story of David and Jonathan in the Bible is a good story to read to children about friends to give an understanding of true friends.  

         There is no way that anyone can ever be liked by everyone.  We waste time trying to please everyone.  Children can learn that sticking to principles is more important than trying to please everyone.  They need not feel badly when someone does not like them or want to be a friend to them.  Understanding this at a young age will prevent some of the peer pressure problems that often come in the teens.  After all, even Jesus was not liked by everyone.  Why should any of us think that we will be liked by everyone? 

Children Can Learn to Think Ahead

by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book, Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor,com.

Train up a child…

Children Can Learn to Think Ahead

         “Children will be children” is a comment often heard from grown-ups.  The truth is that adults will still act like children if they have never learned otherwise.  If we don’t teach children how to be responsible adults, they will likely never become responsible adults.

         At birth all actions are done on impulse.  As the child grows, that child should become more and more aware of reasons for actions and become able to think well enough to know that certain actions produce certain results.  It has been said that right-brain dominant persons tend to act more on impulse than reason.  Even if this is true, much can still be taught to help any person to think before acting.  One method for teaching a child to think before acting is to sit down with a child, take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.  On one side of the paper write the word “If” and on the other side of the paper write the word “Then”.  After the line has been drawn and it has been explained to the child that you are giving help so they will understand actions better, list actions on the “If” side and results of those actions on the “Then” side.  Following are suggestions of actions and results to list:

  • If I yell at someone/Then that person will probably yell back at me.
  • If I hit someone/Then that person will probably hit me back
  • If I say something ugly about someone/Then that person will probably say something ugly back to me.
  • If I don’t do my homework/Then I will feel badly when I go to school and the teacher asks for the homework.  I will also not learn what I need to learn and will not make good grades.
  • If I don’t obey my parents/Then I will not learn to obey the laws and my teacher.  I will be punished and feel badly.
  • If I don’t take care of my health/Then I will probably get sick.
  • If I make a mess/Then someone will have to clean it up and since I made the mess, it should be me who has to clean it up.
  • If I am unfriendly to others/Then they will not be friendly to me.
  • If I do not get a good education/Then I will probably not get a good job when I am older.
  • If I don’t learn to use money wisely/Then I will probably never have much money.
  • If I don’t keep things put away/Then they will probably get lost or broken.
  • If I don’t share/Then others will not share with me.
  • If I don’t control myself/Then I will probably get in trouble.

Sitting down and listing these and other things with a child helps to make life seem a little clearer.  These are simple facts of life that every child should know, but often children do not learn.  Even very young children can learn these facts. For example, I once heard two church nursery workers tell about two little boys in the nursery.  One little boy kept hitting the other.  The second little boy kept moving away and the first boy kept following and hitting him.  The second boy did not hit back but finally looked at the first boy and said, “You should learn to control yourself!”  

         We would be wise as teachers, parents, and grandparents to understand that very young children can learn these facts of life and learn to think before acting.