Train up a child…

Hints for Talking with your Teen

One of the problems in talking with teens is that we tend to talk “to” them rather than “with” them. Listening is part of a conversation with teens. We need to be good listeners, but we are being unrealistic to think that teens are always listening. Quite often they tune us out and are thinking about something entirely different from the topic we are addressing. Following are some hints for communicating with teens. None are guaranteed to work all the time, but they will work some of the time. Love of our teens gives us understanding and patience. Conversations are vital to knowing how teens are thinking and feeling. Consider these hints:

Always show respect for ideas and opinions even if they are a mile away from yours. To respect doesn’t mean that you have to agree. Be honest in telling that you do not agree, but don’t try to teach everything you know in a few minutes. Growth and understanding take time.
Ask questions that cannot be answered with yes or no. This type of question requires more talking; therefore, you get more information.
Ask the same question three times in different ways. The first time we are asked something, we usually give a casual answer. (e.g. What do you say when someone asks how you are? If they ask again, don’t you usually go into more detail.)
If possible, talk to a teen in private. When teens are in a group, they will answer to please their peers and you may not get the truth.
Try to never embarrass a teen in front of their peers.
Don’t preach. Telling is not teaching. A teen must make up his/her own mind or the learning won’t stick. Feel free to say how you feel and tell why you think as you do, or ask questions as to the reasoning of the person to have them explain their opinions. Often they will see the folly or illogic of what they are saying for themselves.
Be fair and sincere. Although teens are often unfair themselves, many are quick to recognize unfairness or lack of sincerity in others. Parents and teen workers quickly lose credibility if they are not consistent and fair.
Don’t expect more than the teen can produce. They are still growing. They are not adults and will not always act like adults. You can’t force a flower to bloom. Teach as much as they are able to handle.
Remember that Bible principles relate to teens as well as adults and they must not be given exceptions. They will reap any wild oats that they sow. They need to be told this in conversations.
Pray a lot while talking that you will say and do the right things!

Although raising teens is tough, it is worth all the effort in the end. They need much time and attention. They are a gift from God and a real trial at times to us! They often have a way of breaking down any pride we may have. That can be a good thing!