by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com.
Train up a child…
To Spank or Not to Spank
There have been many heated arguments as to whether children should be spanked. My opinion is that sometimes a spanking may be a good thing. However, most of the time, there are many more effective ways to teach a child than to spank. Spankings are often substituted for a lack of knowledge of better ways to discipline. Many times spankings are done because a parent does not want to use time and effort to use other methods of teaching. It is way too easy for parents to think that their job is done simply because they spanked a child. A spanking may force a child to act a certain way at the moment, but probably does not convince a child to always act the preferred way. Unless a child decides for self the preferred way to act, there may be no follow-through. The time comes when the children grow up and no longer have to obey parents. What that person truly believes determines behavior.
Spankings often do not work with children. A school principal once told me that he asked four boys who had misbehaved on the playground if they would rather have a spanking or stay in from recess. Without exception, the boys chose the spanking. Many times a child will take a spanking and get it over with, then go on about doing what they want and just try harder to not get caught. They really haven’t learned anything other than to try to hide their misbehavior better.
Many parents have the misconception that a spanking will cure any bad behavior. This simply is not true. If a child is spanked too much, resentment and anger is the result and the child has learned nothing about the reason the behavior was bad. The Bible tells us not to provoke children to anger. If a parent wants to spank a child, there is a question as to whether it should be done. There should be hesitancy on the part of the adult to give the spanking. When a parent says, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” the spanking is more likely needed. Even though we laugh about that saying, the truth is that the parent is probably spanking for the child’s good rather than for the purpose of venting anger toward that child. I remember an incident where a child was spanked and both the child and adult ended up crying and hugging each other. The child learned a real lesson.
On one occasion, I knew of a parent who called a family conference about a child’s misbehavior and a number of licks for the child was decided. Even the child agreed to the number of licks. After the discussion, the father handed the belt to the child, bent over a chair, and told the child to give him the licks. After the child had finished giving the ten licks, the father said, “When Jesus died for us, he took our licks for us.” The whole family learned a lesson from that!
Parents and teachers must be creative in choosing ways to teach that will last a lifetime. When children know that teachers are forbidden to give spankings, they sometimes take advantage of the teachers and act out. When children know that spankings are given fairly and only if needed, they show more respect to the authoritarian figure.
Children at this time in our society are in desperate need of a moral compass. Since the Ten Commandments are not posted in many places and the golden rule is often not taught, children are left wondering what is really right and wrong. They are often passed from one teacher, parent, stepparent, or relative to another, each with a different set of values. They become very confused. If we truly love our children as we should, we will be patient and as gentle as possible with them and guide them by the Bible that has proved to be true through the ages.