Dealing with the “Impossible” Child

Possibly everyone who has ever worked with children has at one time or another come across a child who seemed impossible to reach. Various tactics are tried seemingly to no avail. When this happens, parents and teachers alike are tempted to “throw up their hands and quit”. There is a pathway to every heart if we can only find it!
When we come to the point of despair, we need to try extra hard to understand why the child is the way he/she is. There could be one reason or a combination of reasons. A child could be acting in a way to gain attention, but why? The child could be frustrated, but why? The child could have given up on trying to please others, but why? The child could be rebelling, but why? The list goes on and on.
Perhaps the first thing to do with such a child is to start spending time one-on-one with him/her. Start listening to what the child is not saying as well as what is being said. Watch the child for expression of personal interests. Look for clues as to what the child is feeling and thinking.
Admittedly, it is often difficult to spend time one-on-one with a child. This is especially true in a classroom when a teacher has so many other children to help. In such a case, I would suggest calling in a volunteer such as a parent or a retired teacher to work with the child. Even though we have special education programs, a special volunteer for the one child would be good. Personally, I feel that every teacher should have an assistant just as doctors have nurses and lawyers have paralegals. There is no way a teacher can do all that needs to be done without help. Many “impossible” children keep moving along in school until they leave school and perhaps end in prison. The lack of time and help makes it imperative for the home to handle problem children and to think that all homes will do this is not facing reality. However, it would be good for parents to spend time alone with each child periodically to get to know the child better.
Getting to know a child will often reveal the why of a child’s actions. If a child is trying to get more attention, spending one-on-one time will help fulfill that need. In addition, the attention should be given in positive ways only. We often make the mistake of giving attention to negative behavior rather than positive behavior. Sometimes we need to ignore the negative and wait for something positive to give a good comment. Even scolding a child is giving attention and if that is the only way the child can gain the attention being craved, the child will act out to gain it. Negative attention is better than no attention at all to some children. Sometimes just whispering instructions in the ear of a child is much better than saying things aloud. This is unexpected and the child will take notice and is more likely to obey. It eliminates the negative attention because no one knows what is said other than the child
Quite often children simply give up trying to please adults because they get scolded so much they think it is no use trying. They become frustrated in their efforts, give up hope, and begin just acting on impulse rather than trying to be good.
Time spent with these youngsters early on will possibly prevent much heartache and save time in the future.