Tag Archives: child discipline

It Really is the Thought that Counts

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; wwwpatlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

It Really is the Thought that Counts

         A lot of joking takes place at Christmas and birthdays when gifts don’t seem to match up with the recipients.  There are those who think that if you spend a lot of money, the gift should be appreciated. Some folks like handmade gifts; others think it is a sign that the giver has more time than money.  Some people fret and fret and still cannot come up with a gift that they feel comfortable in giving to someone. Then, thankfully, there are those who just seem to have a knack for gift-giving and always seem to come up with just the perfect gift.  

         I wonder if the secret to knowing the perfect gift for someone is knowing someone perfectly well.  The better we know someone, the better we know their likes and dislikes.  When we wait until the last minute and feel that we simply must find a gift, usually neither the giver nor the recipient enjoys the choice. In fact, there are those wonderful, efficient people who are alert to appropriate Christmas gifts all year long, picking up things they know someone would like when they happen to see them or making things ahead of time for those they love.

         I’m glad there are still those folks who enjoy handmade gifts.  They are getting scarce as time to make them becomes more and more limited.  I’ve always felt that someone must care for another very much to go to all the trouble to make something. Counted cross stitch, embroidery work, handmade pieces of furniture, crocheted or knitted work, and other handmade items are priceless.  

         In the movie, “Christmas in Canaan”, on the Hallmark channel a unique idea was given.  I had never heard the idea that was presented there.  The father wrapped up pictures from catalogs of items he wished he had money to buy for the family members.  In the story plot, the crops had been bad, and money was scarce.  The family remembered that special Christmas in the years to come and treasured the love shown by a father who truly wished he could do more.  The story was another reminder that Christmas is love, not things.

         It is so very noble when people ask that gifts not be given to them, but rather the money for those gifts be used to meet the needs of others. There are needy families who can really use some help.  On the other hand, there are those folks who have so much that it is hard to think of anything they don’t already have to give to them.  It is amusing to look through some catalogs and see some of the unusual creations that are there to lure people to spend money.  

         When we give to others from the heart, it is like giving to Jesus.  After all, it really is his birthday, not ours.  We need to teach our children to give from the heart by setting the right example for them.  Children need to understand that we give to others to show our love for them.  Emphasis needs to be put on what would make the other person happy.  We can help children avoid selfishness when we teach them that gifts should be given with a great deal of thought and love.  

Christmas Memories

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child

Christmas Memories

         Memories of childhood greatly influence decisions of adults.  That is why it is so important for parents and grandparents to make every effort to ensure good experiences for children that will create a good foundation for adulthood.  Christmas is a perfect time for doing so.

         Memories don’t necessarily have to be fun memories.  How a family works together in tough times is a memory that provides direction for a person in adulthood when that person faces difficult times.  Valuable memories do not necessarily require money.  How gifts are given from the heart at Christmas teaches a child that gifts should be given in love and do not necessarily need to be expensive.

         Those of us who lived during the years of the Great Depression are not as alarmed about the state of the nation’s economy because our memories teach us that we can survive well without many of the things we have come to enjoy.  I’m sure that many others remember, as I do, having a cedar tree cut from the woods for a Christmas tree.  Our tree was often decorated with red and green construction paper chains made in school by cutting strips and pasting the ends together in circles.  We would interlock the red in green, then the green in red, etc.  We made snowflakes by folding white paper and cutting it in various designs.  We would hang the snowflakes on the branches of the tree.  Sometimes, we would make strands of cranberries to drape around the tree.  We always felt important for contributing to the decorations.  

         A few years ago, our youngest son and his wife moved from Kentucky to Arkansas just before Christmas.  We spent Christmas with them sitting among unpacked boxes.  All Christmas decorations were packed away.  On Christmas Eve, we looked at each other and I could tell that our son was feeling a little apologetic for the situation.  I thought hard about what could be done.  I found a pen, reached in a box, pulled out some packing paper, and said, “We each have to make our own stocking.”  We found some scissors, designed our stockings, and laid them on the hearth of the fireplace.  I felt good when I heard our son chuckle.  A memory had been created.

         When my husband and I were working on the Navajo Reservation at Lukachukai, AZ, we had a big snow storm one Christmas.  The mail came only three times a week and during the storm, it could not get through at all. No gifts from our homes came in time for Christmas. We had already given each other our gifts thinking there would be more from our homes in MO and NE to open at Christmas.  On Christmas morning, we sat looking at each other and a bare tree.  That is a memory we will never forget, but it made us appreciate each other more.

         We can be very creative in making memories for children.  Sometimes it is a good thing to be short of money.  It causes us to be more resourceful.  We spoil our own Christmas when we place too much emphasis on “things”.  We should never forget that people are more important than things.  The real basis of the Christmas season is love.  When couples argue over how much money to spend, unpleasant memories are created for their children.  We should not be stingy, but we should never buy beyond our means.  We need to learn to make good use of what we have.  By doing so, we create good memories for children and set a good example for them.

Fostering an Attitude of Gratitude

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….)

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Fostering an Attitude of Gratitude

Train up a child…

Are We “Passing the Buck” in Disciplining Children?

         Children go to school and the school personnel say, “Why don’t the parents discipline their children?”  The children go home and the parents say, “Isn’t that school disciplining my children?”  The children go to church activities and the workers there wonder, “Aren’t these children getting any discipline at home or school?”  Children go out in public places and folks say, “These children are so undisciplined! Why doesn’t someone discipline these children nowadays?”

         Whose responsibility is it to discipline children?  I submit that it is the responsibility of those in charge wherever the children are.  Of course, the ones most responsible are the parents.  In addition to the discipline at home, it is the parents’ responsibility to make sure they are getting disciplined when someplace other than with the parents.  

Why do people not accept this responsibility?

         School personnel are highly restricted in the kinds of discipline they can administer.  This causes those in charge to be hesitant to step up to the plate and do what is necessary.  I am impressed to see how creative many teachers have become in helping the children behave correctly.  Still, often more discipline is needed than the children are getting.

         Church workers often hesitate to discipline for fear the children will not return to church.  “If the children don’t come back to church, how can we teach them?”  The truth of the matter is that unless we teach them and discipline them, what good is it for them to come back to church?  They are there to receive discipline and correction as well as knowledge.  By not disciplining the children, we are in reality teaching them that they can behave in unacceptable ways and get by with it. They may actually be thinking, “If they let me act like this at church, it must be all right to act this way all the time”.

         When children visit another person’s home or a public place, they need to be taught to observe the rules of that location.  Those in charge have the right to expect children to observe those rules.  

         Each of us needs to live up to the responsibility of disciplining children when they are under our care.  If we tell a child to do something, we should see to it that it is done.  Follow-through is probably the single most important thing we can do to teach a child to act properly.  For example, if we tell a child not to run, we should not let that child run.  If we don’t care that he/she runs, we shouldn’t give the instruction in the first place.  Unfortunately, it is usually the adult who gives in rather than the child.  What can we do in a situation like this?  We should love the children enough to risk not being liked.  We need to follow-through, get the child, take the child back to the place where he started running and walk with the child.  It may take a few times, but the child will get the message that obedience is a must.

         An undisciplined child is an unhappy child.  A disciplined child usually has good self-esteem because he/she has a sense of doing right.  Children cannot feel self-worth if they are always being looked upon with disdain due to poor behavior.  We really help children when we discipline them.  When there is no discipline, children become like little wild animals and are always looking for something to make them feel good.  We are created to have a good feeling when we do what is right, and when we know that what we have done is right. In other words, it just feels good to be good.

“Why is this Happening to Me?”

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By Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me: When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; and www.patlambchristianauthor.c

Train up a child…

A Thanksgiving Story

            Here is a story you can share about Thanksgiving. Reading or telling this story will help children appreciate what others have gone through in the past and how it affects us now.

Why is This Happening to Me?

            About four hundred years ago, there were some Indian tribes who lived in what is now Massachusetts.  White people did not yet live in this country, but some had been here exploring new lands. One time a ship carrying white men came to explore the coast.  They were fascinated with the Indians.  They decided to capture some and take them back to England to show people there what Indians looked like. A young man named Squanto was one of the Indian boys captured.

            While in England, the men decided to teach the Indian boys they captured to speak English. When Squanto had learned enough English, they took him back with them to what is now our country to use him as an interpreter and a guide as they continued exploring.

            While Squanto was back here in what is now America, he was tricked by some other white men and taken to Spain to be sold as a slave. Some monks bought him, and he lived with them for a time and learned about the “white man’s God”.  After living at the monastery for some time, someone took him back to England and from there he was taken to America to be used as an interpreter and guide once again.

            On this final trip back to our country, he did such a good job as interpreter and guide, that those who were exploring decided to let Squanto return to his tribe.  When he arrived at the place where his tribe lived, he found that his whole tribe had died of a disease, and he was the only Patuxent Indian left!

            Squanto moved in with another tribe of Indian people whose chief was named Samoset.  It was a short time later that the pilgrims arrived at Plymouth Rock. The pilgrims had prayed and prayed about going some place where they could have freedom to worship God as they felt they should.  They had asked God to watch over them and care for them.  Imagine how surprised they were when they arrived and met Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English!

            Squanto moved to the village that the pilgrims started.  He lived with the pilgrims and taught them to hunt, plant, fish, and make treaties with other tribes of Indians so they could live peacefully together. The winters were very harsh and many of the pilgrims died during the first year.  They did not have medicines then like we have now, and their food was scarce.  Some people starved to death. 

            Squanto died in 1622.  He asked Governor Bradford to pray for him that he might go to the Englishman’s God in heaven.

            Had it not been for Squanto, it’s possible that none of the pilgrims would have survived.  He played a very important part in our country’s history.

Note:  It is well that we remember this story.  It might be a good idea to clip it and keep it for future use.  I have used it before and plan to use it again.  It is a story we all need to know and remember.  

            After telling the story, discuss it with those present.  Here are some questions that may be used for discussion:

  • How do you think Squanto and the other boys felt when they were captured?
  • Do you think it was easy for Squanto to learn English?
  • Do you think Squanto ever said to himself, “Why is this happening to me?”
  • What would have probably happened to Squanto if he had not been captured?
  • What do you think the pilgrims were thinking when they arrived and found Squanto, an Indian man who could speak English?
  • Do you think God worked in Squanto’s life for a purpose?
  • Do you think God has a purpose for your life?

“As the Twig is Bent”

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon; Barnes & Noble; patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

“As the Twig is Bent”

         I remember an instructor in our child development class at Missouri University saying, “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree”.  She went to great lengths to explain that habits that are formed in childhood last a lifetime.  If left unchecked, the inclinations that a child has are reinforced through the years as the child grows. This is true for both good and bad inclinations.  It is the task of the parent to “prune” those inclinations as needed.  The parent needs to reinforce in positive ways the good, and do their best to eliminate the bad habits.  

         A common saying about children who are displaying problematic behavior is, “Don’t worry. He will grow out of it.”  This may be true as relating to physical changes, but in most behavioral changes, children do not “grow out of it”.  The problems, in most cases, gain strength as the child grows.

         There are many examples of children growing worse when problems are left unchecked.  Take, for instance, the child who throws temper tantrums.  When parents give in to the child and do not correct this problem, the child grows up believing that he/she can get whatever is wanted by displaying acts of temper.  Another example is the demanding child who does not learn good manners.  That child becomes the adult who “railroads” through anyone or everyone to achieve wants and desires.  Poor eating habits are very difficult to correct in adulthood. Many obese people are those who as children were allowed to eat whatever they wanted. Children who are allowed to act any way they want will not grow up respecting authority.  Children who are given everything needed without having to earn anything will not grow up and suddenly say, “Oh, I can do everything for myself”.  These children will always be expecting handouts.

         Young people seem to have a feeling of indestructibility.  They tend to think, “I’m different.  That will never happen to me.”  I recently talked to a man who is now an alcoholic.  He said, “I made the same mistake so many other people have made.  I thought it would never happen to me.”  It is our duty, as parents and grandparents, to point out examples to prove that it can happen to anyone.  Ultimately, each person is individually responsible for choices made, but we need to do all we can to influence those choices and help that person grow in the right direction.

         My dad used pieces of string to illustrate to my sisters and me how habits get stronger and stronger. He handed us a piece of string and told us to break it.  It was easy.  Then he gave us two pieces of string and told us to break them.  It was harder.  Then he gave us three pieces of string and told us to break them all at the same time.  Some of us were able to do it.  By the time he got to four pieces of string, it was not possible to break them all at the same time.  “That is how it is with habits,” he said.  He told us that when you first do something wrong, it is much easier to stop than after you have continued to do it for a time.  We understood that it is best not to form bad habits.

         Raising children is somewhat like gardening.  We prune, feed, and water.  We guide and do our best to influence the choices our children make.  When they are little, we can prevent bad choices.  When they grow up, they will choose according to their own individual beliefs.  Other influences in the world compete with the influence of parents.  We simply try our very best and bathe our efforts with lots of prayer.

Children Build on Successes

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by Pat Lamb

Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is..

Train up a child…

Children Build on Successes

         What parent or teacher does not want to teach in such a way as to produce the optimum learning in a child?  Through the ages, much research and experimentation have been done to determine how a child learns best.  All of this, along with plain common sense, tells us that children learn best when they build on little successes.

         Keeping this fact in mind, we need to ask ourselves the following questions: “How does a child define success?”  “How can a teacher or parent make sure that a child succeeds as that child determines success?

         Children most often define success according to the amount of praise received for a task accomplished.  If the child receives a little praise, the child feels that s/he has done alright.  If a child receives a great deal of praise, that child feels especially good about what has been accomplished and feels success.  Immediately, the child wants to repeat the action to receive more praise.  Success gives a child hope and confidence in ability to achieve.  The child will automatically select activities similar to those for which praise was received.  Conversely, a child will avoid activities where success was not experienced. This demonstrates the need for praising children rather than scolding them. However, the praise should never be false praise!  When a child receives false praise, s/he feels like they are doing great and are not motivated to improve.   

Praise needs to be focused on the achievement rather than the child.  Too much praise for the child leads to a child having a feeling of superiority.  We don’t want children growing up feeling they are better than others.  However, we do want them to have confidence in their ability to do a good job.

         It is important that tasks be delegated commensurate with a child’s ability to succeed.  If tasks are too difficult, the child cannot experience satisfaction. There is a value in “instant success”.  When we introduce something new, it would be well to take a small portion that is easy to learn and start with that.  When the child succeeds in one little thing, s/he is encouraged to tackle more.  The child has instantly felt success and is eager to experience more success.

         “Chunk learning” is a phrase commonly used in education circles.  It simply means that it is better to take a chunk at a time rather than throw the whole thing at a child all at once.  “Chunk learning” allows a student to feel more success and avoids much confusion in processing information in the brain.  When too much is presented at one time, the child becomes confused and bewildered with information and is often not able to sort through and classify it to “file it away” in the mind for future use.  

         It takes understanding on the part of the parent or teacher to know how much to expect children to grasp at one time and still feel successful.  New teachers have been told, “Don’t try to teach them all you know on the first day!”  We need to give information in doses that can be processed in a manner for the child to feel successful.  It is difficult to do this when we think of how very much a child needs to know to survive in our culture.  When teachers are expected to cover a certain amount of material in a certain amount of time, it becomes tempting to speed up to get through the lessons.  It is counterproductive to do so.  It is as if children start “putting on the brakes” when pressure, rather than success, is felt. No matter what society demands of a person, forcing a child to learn, when that child is not ready, is like trying to force a flower to bloom.

         Some parents and teachers can readily sense when a child is feeling successful and others seem to go blindly along never knowing when a child is feeling good or bad about something.  Love is the quality that gives understanding.  We need to love the ones with whom we are working.  When we really care, we will want children to succeed and make efforts to teach accordingly.   

Parent’s Good Intentions are not Enough

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor,com

Train up a child…

Parents’ Good Intentions are not Enough

       It is wonderful when parents can truly enjoy their children and want to make them happy.  It presents a challenge, however, to make children happy and at the same time prepare them for their future.  It seems that the idea has permeated our society that we all should be happy and having fun all the time, and that the only good parent is the parent who entertains children and protects them from hardships.  

         Just as a “hot-house” tomato has a difficult time adjusting to the challenges in nature when it is set out in a garden, so do children who have been sheltered from all rules and hardships have a difficult time adjusting to the real world.  Adults who work with children need to discover a balance between letting children be children and at the same time preparing them for a time when they are unprotected by adults.  Children must have guidelines and rules to live by and be required to abide by those rules for their own good.  They must be allowed to experience the consequences of the choices they make.  With a few exceptions such as birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, etc. they must earn what they receive. 

         Children who have no guidelines are always insecure and uncertain as to what behavior is acceptable and what punishment they may receive for their behavior.  They are at loose ends with the world and often express their frustration by exhibiting unacceptable behavior.  By contrast, children who have rules and are required to abide by them, have a certainty in their minds that they are doing the right thing.  The stress of making decisions without necessary information is removed, and they are happier children.  Many well-intentioned parents think that letting their children do what they want to do is helping them.  Not true.  Children are not equipped to make many decisions by themselves and often make the wrong decisions and get in trouble for doing so.  It is much better to make sure they know what is right and wrong before they make the wrong decisions.  Important, also, is reinforcement of correct behavior.  When a child is told, “You did the right thing”, the child feels a real sense of relief and is inclined to repeat that behavior.

         It is hard for any parent or teacher to watch a child go through something unpleasant.  However, when we jump in and rescue the child from the consequences of his/her behavior, we become enablers.  When we enable a child to do wrong and get by with it, that child grows up thinking that whatever he/she desires is acceptable, and someone will bail him/her out of trouble.  It is through the natural punishment of consequences that children learn many lessons that we may never be able to teach in another way.

         When children are continually rewarded for doing what is normally required, they grow up thinking that they don’t have to act in acceptable ways unless rewarded for doing so.  A teacher friend of mine often said, “Virtue is its own reward”.  There are some things that we are supposed to do whether there is a reward or not.  One school in IL, where our daughter taught, rewarded children for doing their homework by taking them to McDonalds on Fridays.  This, in my opinion, is not a good way to use rewards.  Homework is something that children should do without getting a material reward. One NEA magazine had an article some time back about paying children to go to school.  Is it any wonder that we are living in an entitlement generation when this kind of thinking abounds?

         Ideally, parents should decide in their own minds how they want their children to “turn out” as to character traits and keep this goal in mind in everyday contact with their children.  We can’t just let our children always be happy-go-lucky without responsibilities and rules and expect them to someday display responsibilities without material rewards.

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.co

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be the Parents of a Teen

         “Who is this new child in my home?  This can’t be the child I held on my lap and read to, then heard prayers, gave a hug and kiss and tucked in for a nice night’s sleep!  Now I see a child that is much different from anything I ever imagined my child would be!  I’m bewildered.  My child seems bewildered.  To be truthful, I’m scared.  I thought I was being the perfect parent, but my child is not being the perfect child. The results I am seeing are not what I expected.”

         Many parents of teenagers may very well be thinking the above thoughts.  There is no doubt that being the parent of a teenager is a tough task.

         We may tell our children that we will always love them.  When children become teens, that love is truly tested.  Now, we must prove that love.  We must put our pride aside and do what is best for the child, even if it may be embarrassing at times.  Love is understanding.  Love is patient.  Love doesn’t keep score.  Love is long-suffering.  Love is kind. Love doesn’t have to have its own way. Love is gentle.  Can we really display these characteristics with this seemingly new person?  When the apostle, Paul, described love in I Corinthians 13, he didn’t say to show these characteristics except with teenagers! Even when our children are not so lovable, we are still supposed to love them and that means displaying the characteristics of love named in the Bible. 

         We need to remember that the teen years are tough for the child as well as for the parent.  The “acting out” that often accompanies a teen is often the result of the same feelings we may be having as parents.  They are scared, bewildered, uncertain, dealing with a new body (a body that is larger and looks different).  The teen has not learned the proper way to vent deep feelings.  (Unfortunately, many parents have not learned this lesson either.) The result may be a shouting match between parent and child.

         When you stop and think about it, isn’t it rather ridiculous for a parent to be shouting at a child to tell the child not to shout at the parent?  Two wrongs don’t make a right!  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  (Proverbs 15:1) This truly works.  To shout to a child who is already shouting is like pouring gasoline on a fire.  It just causes more shouting.  No one says it is easy, but we must set an example of the behavior we expect from a child.  Quite often, teens say things they don’t really mean, so we need to learn to look at the heart rather than simply going by the words spoken.  A teen may shout, “I hate you!”  What they are really thinking and feeling may be “I loved you and I don’t feel you loving me back, and now I am hurting and wish I could feel that love!”  It is common for teens to feel all alone and that no one understands them.  If they can’t feel understanding at home, they will look for it elsewhere.  Does this mean that we should let the child get away with being disrespectful?  No.  It should be pointed out that disrespect has been shown, and the child needs to be told what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  Also, the child needs to be told that disagreement is alright, but there is a correct way to disagree.  He/she then needs to be taught the acceptable way to disagree.  Parents and children can then discuss the issues that are really at the root of the trouble.

         “Keeping cool” when a teenage child is showing a hot temper is not easy, but the love for the child can be the very thing that gives us the strength to do just that.  It helps to know that many parents have gone through the same challenges, many parents are going through those challenges now, and many more parents will do so in the future.  We are not alone, and we must not abandon our teens just because it is not pleasant to deal with them.

Why Do Children Bully Others?

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor

Train up a Child…

Why Do Children Bully Others?

It is so sad to watch a child duck its head and try to keep from crying because another child has said something cruel about him/her.!  Why does this happen?

Sometimes children bully others because they inwardly think that if they can bring another person down, people will think they are better.

Sometimes children bully because they are jealous.

Sometimes children bully because inwardly they convince themselves they, themselves are not so bad.  

There are other reasons as well. The person bullying may think this makes them the most important person in the room.  Of course, we know that isn’t true, but often they do not.

 How can we handle bullying?  Here are some suggestions:

1.  When a child says something derogatory about another, require that child to write a paper about the good qualities of that person.  This will require them to think deeper and give them practice in writing as well.

2.  Require the child to apologize.  If this is a school setting, it may or may not be wise to have the apology done in front of the class.

3. Sometimes a child bullies because they, themselves, feel inadequate.  If we can bring others down, we look bigger!

4.  The person doing the bullying may be required to tell the class  about the good qualities of the person being bullied.  

It is interesting to note that many of the reasons children bully are the same reasons that adults gossip about others or are overly critical of others.  If we can “nip bullying in the bud”, we would have a much happier world! 

It’s Tough to be a Teen

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble; www.patlambchristianauthor.come

Train up a child…

It’s Tough to be a Teen

         I once viewed a video from the Missouri School Board Association that started off with a statement that one out of every five students in Missouri high schools contemplates suicide at one time or another.  What a terrible statistic!  The gentleman speaking went on to encourage all school workers in Missouri to be on the lookout for troubled students.

         Why would teens want to commit suicide?  One of the reasons given by experts is lack of hope.  Another reason is the use of drugs.  A third reason, in my opinion, may be a lack of religious training to educate them with the fact that suicide is not an end, but a beginning of an after life.

         It is difficult for teenagers to cope in society.  Most adults expect teens to be a problem.  This causes teens to feel that it is normal for them to do things they shouldn’t be doing.  I believe, as do many other teachers with whom I’ve spoken, that around age 12 a child comes to a crossroad in life. At this point, the child makes a decision as to whether he/she will try to live a good life or just go for doing what feels good at the moment.  Peer pressure influences this decision greatly.  In addition to peer pressure, children at this age have generally come in contact with many different sets of values.  Each teacher in school has his/her own set of rules and values.  Parents have a set of rules and values.  If the child comes from a broken home, the rules and values of step-parents have also probably differed.  The children have to deal with the values and rules of grandparents from both the real parents and the step parents.  Is it any wonder that children become confused?  This is especially true considering the fact that most children have not attended church to learn the real values taught there.

         Hormonal changes at this point in life have a great effect on the child.  Studies show that the cerebellum, the back part of the brain, is actually larger in puberty in proportion to the cerebrum, the front part of the brain.  This causes the teen to act on impulse rather than thinking things through.  It isn’t until about age 20 that the two parts of the brain come to correct proportion.  Rapid growth accompanies the hormonal changes and causes a child to be awkward. One week, when a child reached for a glass of water, the arm was at one length. Soon after, the arm is longer and the brain hasn’t adjusted to the new length, and the child may turn the glass over and spill the water.  On top of all of this, horror of horrors, pimples start appearing on the face!

         While all of these things are happening, children can be very cruel to each other.  Bullying is terrible, but it does exist.  We can’t guard every word that comes from the mouth of someone, but, thankfully, efforts are being made in many schools to stop bullying.

         Is it any wonder that teens are looking for a way out of all of this?  It is too bad that they don’t understand that suicide is not the answer.  We need to remind teens that all that is happening is temporary, and if they can hold on, things will get better. 

         The very best thing parents can do is to get their children in a good church that teaches the love of Christ.  If they understand this principle, they will always feel loved.  As they are taught that God has a plan for each life, they experience hope that is so desperately needed.  It is difficult to understand why more parents don’t get their children in church.  It costs no money.  Additional people are concerned for the child’s welfare.  Many activities are provided that are wholesome activities.  I could go on and on about the positive values of church and can think of no negative things.  Let’s do what is best for our children and put our personal likes and dislikes aside.