Tag Archives: chores for children

Teaching Children to do their Share of Work

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Teaching Children to do their Share of Work

         There is dignity in hard work.  There is an inner joy that can be obtained no other way than simply straining to do a job well and then knowing the satisfaction of having done just that.  The work ethic is missing in many places in our country.  We desperately need to teach our children not only the pleasure found in doing hard work, but the responsibility that each of us has to contribute to the betterment of the situations in which we find ourselves. How to accomplish this task is a real challenge, but it can be done.

         We must start when children are very young– even as early as toddler age– teaching the value of hard work. When a toddler picks up a toy and puts it away, that toddler needs to be praised.  As mommy and daddy help the young child pick up all toys and put them away, the parents can talk about how nice it is to have a clean room and how good it feels to see how pretty everything looks when toys are put away in the right places.  Even a young toddler notices how hard mommy and daddy work and at this age, they want to help.  Little children like to help hold the vacuum cleaner with parents and even try to sweep the floor.  Parents need to capitalize on this interest and let children help as much as possible.

         As children leave the toddler stage, chores need to be assigned and children need to be made to understand that they have a role to play in keeping the household running smoothly.  At all ages, children need to have responsibilities and be held to those responsibilities.  To yell at children and force them to do things beyond their ability will simply make them hate to work.  Keeping chores assigned commensurate with their ability and expressing satisfaction at jobs well done, will go a long way toward helping them experience pleasure in work.  

         Too much praise for normal expectations of a child is not good.  There are some things in life we need to do whether we receive praise or not.  Too much praise may cause a child to think that they don’t have to do something unless they receive a reward.  Also, in my opinion money should not be given to do regular chores.  Children have a responsibility to do their part without pay.  It is good to give an allowance simply to teach a child to plan and make purchases wisely for needs and wants, but not for doing things that they should do as their responsibility in the home.

         I know a personnel manager of a company who told me that he loved to recruit from College of the Ozarks because those kids had a work ethic that was better than students at other places where he recruited. In the past, this part of the country has been known for its work ethic.  If our children are to not only succeed, but perhaps even survive in the future, they are going to have to know how to work.  It is a good idea to talk to children before they go back to school this fall and tell them how important it is for them to work hard at their school work and learn all they can to prepare themselves for their future.

         Ideally, a child will learn to “pitch in” and help any time help is needed anywhere when s/he is able.  To let children go for years just having fun with no responsibilities, and then when they are grown expect them to suddenly change and be responsible, simply doesn’t make sense.  Children must be required to work and be responsible in order to learn responsibility.  It isn’t automatic!

Small Steps Can Lead to Big Gains

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book) Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristiansauthor.com

Train up a child…

Small Steps Can Lead to Big Gains

         
         “The longest journey starts with the first step”.  How true.  This philosophy can be applied to helping children set goals.  It is important to set short-term goals as a beginning to the achievement of long-term goals.  Parents often have the tendency to set ultimatums that overwhelm children; then, children tend to give up before they get started feeling that the task is impossible to achieve.

         Nothing succeeds like success.  Success breeds success; failure breeds failure.  When a child feels successful, that child will want to continue actions that achieved that success.  When a child experiences failure, that child will not want to continue.  If we help a child set goals that are easily achievable, the child will want to set another achievable goal.  

         How does this work in real life?  Suppose you want a small child to clean his/her bedroom. Instead of telling the child to clean the room, break the chore down in steps.  Perhaps start with telling the child to make the bed.  After that is accomplished, tell the child to pick up the things on the floor.  Next, the child could do the dusting of one piece of furniture at a time. Finally, the floor needs to be vacuumed or swept. Add other tasks as needed until the room is nice and clean. When the child then receives praise for a clean room, he/she feels a sense of pride and accomplishment and will be more apt to do it next time.  In addition, the child has been taught what is involved in cleaning a room.  

         Another example might involve a child learning the multiplication tables.  Instead of simply telling the child to learn the tables, help the child set a goal of learning the 8’s by a certain time.  Next, the child might learn the 9’s, etc.  This continues until all the tables are learned.

         If a child is struggling with homework, instead of simply telling the child to do the homework, a parent might say, “After this page is done, take a little break and get a glass of water or cookie.” Plan with the child by looking at how much is left to be done and dividing it up so that the child feels accomplishment along the way.  After each part is done, the child might be allowed to do something to have a little break.

         Still another example might be used in saving money.  Discuss with the child how much money can be saved by a certain time.  Make sure a special container is available for the money even if it is simply a clean jelly jar.  After the first goal has been reached, reset the goal for a certain date to have saved a greater amount.  It is helpful if a child has an object in mind to purchase or another plan for the money.  That would be the long-range goal.  The short-range goals along the way are very helpful in motivating the child to continue saving.

         Almost any task can be broken down in parts to encourage and motivate children.  It is good to have long-range goals as well, but the short- range goals are the stepping stones along the way.

How to Talk so Kids can Learn

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Train up a child…

 

How to Talk so Kids Can Learn

 

People do not like to be yelled at! Children are people, too. Children do not like to be yelled at!

The way we talk to children greatly affects their learning. Our tone and volume of voice is very important as we relate to the little ones. We need to take the time, whenever possible, to explain and reason with children.

I have observed over the years that many parents constantly bark orders to children, often so rapidly that the children do not have time to mentally process one order before being given another. When this happens, children become resentful, confused, embarrassed, and often give up trying to obey. They may pout or act out in frustration. They hurt inside because they feel that the one yelling at them does not love them. It becomes even more confusing when, after barking orders to the children, a few minutes later that same parent may say, “I love you”. This scenario gives an untrue example of love. Love is patient. On the other hand, if we slow down, take time to let the child process instructions, and explain where needed, the child calms down, is more likely to obey, and senses love as shown through patience. Sometimes a parent will get better results to simply go to the child, put an arm around that child, and whisper instructions slowly.

Children can often understand more than we give them credit for if we take the time to give the explanations in words they understand. We forget that they do not have the same vocabulary that we have. They increase their vocabulary as we explain why we expect them to do certain things. When they have the understanding, they are more apt to act appropriately on their own when parents are not around. Many believe that if they just get their children in the habit of doing certain things that they will grow up and maintain those habits. Habits only go so far. Understanding of reasons for acting appropriately will extend the correct behavior. There comes a time in a child’s life when that child begins to question what parents have told them. If they have the basic understanding of the “whys”, they are more apt to stick with what they have been taught.

The use of questions instead of statements is so very important in helping children reason out the “whys” of behavior. Telling is not teaching! When we ask questions, a child is forced to think. Following are some examples of common questions that can be asked in various situations:

  • How would Bob feel if you told him that?
  • What would happen if you did that?
  • What were you thinking when you did that?
  • What do you think Susan was thinking when she did that?
  • Why do you want to do that?
  • How would the people around you feel if they heard you say that?

These are just general questions to help a child think through his/her actions before making a decision. They also help to develop empathy and teach decision-making.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote a book titled, How to Talk so Kids Can Learn. I highly recommend it. It is available on Amazon.com and is also available in the Kimberling Area Library. Although I do not agree with everything in the book, it certainly helps us rethink how we are talking to our children.