by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is…) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, patlambchristianauthor.com
Train up a child…
Children Need Help Choosing Friends
Most children are very concerned about whether or not they have friends. They not only want to have friends, but they want to have many friends. There are some things that children need to understand early about friendship. They need to know the definition of a friend, how to choose a friend, and that no matter how hard they try, they will never have everyone as a friend.
It is too bad that so many children get confused as to what a good friend really is. They often think that just because someone plays with them or pays attention to them, that that person is a friend. A true friend is someone who wants what is best for a person. A true friend is someone that you don’t have to worry about pleasing all the time because you know that the friend will stick with you even when you make a mistake.
Since children worry about being liked, they often tend to do whatever they think another person will like. Most children tend to think that friends just happen. It is important to develop an attitude in a child that friends can be chosen. It isn’t necessary to just accept anyone who comes along as a friend. The Bible tells us that in order to have friends, we must be friendly to others. The best way to make friends is to choose someone the child would like to have as a friend and show that person kindness and understanding. Often that person is someone who may be rejected by others. Since that person may have experienced rejection, he/she knows how it hurts to be rejected. This instills a quality of faithfulness to others to prevent hurting someone as he/she has experienced.
On Valentine’s Day, children tend to count valentines to see who got the most. Those who get very few go home from school feeling sad. Those who get many go home feeling elated. True love and friendship is much more than giving a valentine, although it is nice to have a day set aside to think about love and friendship. Valentine’s Day provides a good opportunity to teach children that true love and friendship puts the other person first. It isn’t a matter of how many valentines someone got, but rather whether the child is doing what is right to be a friend to others. Children need to know that most people are very blessed to have even a few good friends.
The Bible also says that there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. A person who has true friends- the kind that stick with you-is rich indeed. The story of David and Jonathan in the Bible is a good story to read to children about friends to give an understanding of true friends.
There is no way that anyone can ever be liked by everyone. We waste time trying to please everyone. Children can learn that sticking to principles is more important than trying to please everyone. They need not feel badly when someone does not like them or want to be a friend to them. Understanding this at a young age will prevent some of the peer pressure problems that often come in the teens. After all, even Jesus was not liked by everyone. Why should any of us think that we will be liked by everyone?