Tag Archives: Dad’s role in the family

A Good Dad Teaches His Children

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is….) Books are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

A Good Dad Teaches His Children

       The father is supposed to be the head of his household and able to control his children.  To father a child brings a large amount of responsibility, but that responsibility can be very pleasant if it becomes a way of life.  A dad who really cares for his children will try to teach them what they need to know to live a productive life.  What should a father teach?  When should a father teach?  How should a father teach?

         Dads need to teach children right from wrong.  They need to teach their children the fundamentals necessary to get along in life.  They need to teach the dangers and pitfalls.  They need to teach their children how to do basic things such as making repairs around the home, knowing how to care for a car, knowing how to take care of a yard.  There are basic things like reading, writing, and math that are not totally the responsibility of the school to teach.  Dad needs to make sure their children are able to cope with those things that will inevitably come their way. They need to teach children how to have compassion and do things to help others.  He needs to teach them to respect the parents, others, and self.

         One might say, “I’m too busy putting food on the table to take the time to teach my children.”  We usually find the time to do what we want to do.  If dads really want to teach their children, they will find a way.  When children are with their dads, dads need to be aware of opportunities to teach their children.  Love finds a way.  I can remember fondly when my dad would take me on his lap before I was old enough to start to school, take his railroad watch out of his bib overalls, and teach me to tell time.  This was after he had worked in the field all day when he would sit down for a few minutes before he would go milk our 20-25 cows.  He wanted his children to sit on his lap and “hug his neck”.  He would talk to us about any number of things at that time.  As we tagged along after him, helping with whatever we were able to do, he would explain what he was doing and why he was doing it.  He would pick a blade of grass and show it to us as he studied all the little lines and “hairs” on it, and then he would say, “Look at that!  That’s better artwork than any painting.  Only God can do that!”  Dads are constant teachers whether they are aware of it or not.  They are teachers all the time as long as they are in contact with their children.

         How do dads teach?  They mostly teach by example.  They also talk to their children about important things.  They demonstrate how things are to be done.  It is important that dads have a family time once each week to use Scripture and explain it to the children.  Dads teach thankfulness when they pray before eating at each meal.  Dads teach in every word they say, whether they are good words or bad.  When dads disrespect their wives, they are teaching their children not to respect their mother.  When dads are patient and loving, they are teaching their children to be the same way. When dads put up with things that they really don’t like, they are teaching their children to be longsuffering and kind to others.  When dads criticize other people, they are teaching their children to condemn others.

         Studies show that in spite of any training we may receive, we tend to raise our children as we were raised.  We need to do all we can to set a good example for our children so they will know how to raise their children.  Our country needs strong dads.  Our children need strong dads who will teach them truth.  God has commanded dads to be the spiritual leaders of their homes.  If the will is there, dads will teach their children what they need to know in ways they can understand all the time.

Dad’s Dilemma

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Dad’s Dilemma

         Dad has a dilemma as he attempts to be head of his home.  That dilemma is how to please mom and, at the same time, “bring home the bacon” and train the kids properly.

         I’m afraid that too many of us as mothers may be too critical of dad and his attempts to discipline and teach the children.  Often, we expect dad to see things just exactly as we see them and do just exactly as we would when they make an effort to direct the children.  If God had intended us both to think the same, he would have made us both the same.  Often dad wields a firmer hand than a mother would.  I believe that is the way it should be.  It seems to be the nature of mom to nurture and cuddle.  Too many times we want to jump in and rescue a child when dad knows that firmness is needed.  Dad doesn’t want to disappoint mom.  This puts him in a tough spot.

         One comedian in Branson joked that a woman’s brain has a four lane highway going from the left brain to the right brain and men have a narrow cow path going from one side of the brain to the other.  This makes women more able to multi-task where men are more apt to think of one thing at a time.  Generally, this is true. 

 Of course, there are exceptions to all of the research findings.  Some men can multi-task.  For those men who find multi-tasking difficult, it is really hard to come home from work and immediately switch to the role of being a dad.  I remember reading in the 50’s that the wife should wait until the husband has been home from work 20 minutes before she starts telling him about the day with the kids!  Times have certainly changed as now many women are also working outside the home.  However, a man may still find it more difficult to adjust quickly to a different set of tasks from what he faced at work.  Also, many jobs now require the person to be on call for 24 hours. In this case, it is especially difficult to switch the mind back and forth to concentrate on what the children need.

         Many dads hesitate to discipline the children for fear they are not doing it properly.  They want the children to like them, and may fear that they only see him when he is scolding them for something, and will hold it against him.  The truth is that even though children may resent discipline for a time, in the long run there will be more respect for parents when they show that they care enough to risk not being liked for the sake of a child.  As for not being sure of how to discipline and teach properly, dads need to avail themselves of books and other information available to help them learn. 

Dr. James Dobson has written many wonderful books that give insight into how children think and react.  Dads need to visit the school and meet the teachers and get involved with their children’s activities. Also, dad needs to make sure there is a time each week for the family to have devotions and an opportunity for each family member to express any concerns or ask questions. 

         We can all learn and do better when it comes to bringing up the children.  Mom needs to be more patient with dad and dad needs to make more effort to learn about children and communicate with the family.

“Where’s Dad?”

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com) Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book

Although many years have passed since our children were young, in my mind I can still see and hear them run into the house excitedly yelling, “Where’s Dad?” At times they were excited to share something with him that they could count on him liking.  At other times, they would come into the house with head down and in a low tone of voice say, “Where’s Dad?”

Whether happy to share something with him, or afraid they were in trouble, they still knew that their dad was there to share happiness, or admonish.(Admonish means to reprimand someone firmly.)

Children need a dad.  God designed it that way.  It seems to me that moms tend to be soft and sympathetic while dads are firmer and more steadfast in expectations.  Children need both, but many children are being raised without both in today’s society.

Many times when I have had book signings with my Scripture-based books, a dad may look at the books and say, “I’ll wait and see what my wife says.  She is the one who deals with that”. It is plain to see that the dad is not taking his responsibility of bringing up his children in the training and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4 makes it clear that fathers are responsible for the Christian upbringing of their children.  In the absence of the dad, of course, mom must step in and take the responsibility.

Is it possible that the men in our country are somewhat confused as to their role?  Perhaps the “women’s movement” has left many men wondering just what is expected of them.    

Men need to take the responsibility of leading the family in Biblical ways.  Wives need to be careful not to overstep their roles by dominating their husbands and taking the role of Spiritual leader.  Wives are to act in a supportive role.  There will be many times when a wife disagrees with the husband as to his child-rearing methods.  They need to remember that God can speak to the husband and that perhaps he is right and the wife could be wrong. God knows that mothers tend to comfort.  It is hard to watch a child be punished when often it is needed.  Both the father and mother need to pray much for wisdom and fulfill individual roles in raising the children.

Now that our youngest son has two sons of his own, I have watched when they were toddlers run as fast as they could to meet their dad when he came home from work.  “Daddy’s home!”  they would yell as they had arms outstretched for a big hug from dad.  Men who don’t fulfill their fatherly role with their children are missing out on a great deal.  There is no other feeling in the world that compares to a child voluntarily throwing his/her arms around the neck of dad and giving a big hug and kiss. Dads need to be there!

Dad’s Dilemma

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Dad’s Dilemma

         Dad has a dilemma as he attempts to be head of his home.  That dilemma is how to please mom and, at the same time, “bring home the bacon” and train the kids properly.

         I’m afraid that too many of us as mothers may be too critical of dad and his attempts to discipline and teach the children.  Often, we expect dad to see things just exactly as we see them and do just exactly as we would when they make an effort to direct the children.  If God had intended us both to think the same, he would have made us both the same.  Often dad wields a firmer hand than a mother would.  I believe that is the way it should be.  It seems to be the nature of mom to nurture and cuddle.  Too many times we want to jump in and rescue a child when dad knows that firmness is needed.  Dad doesn’t want to disappoint mom.  This puts him in a tough spot.

         One comedian in Branson joked that a woman’s brain has a four lane highway going from the left brain to the right brain and men have a narrow cow path going from one side of the brain to the other.  This makes women more able to multi-task where men are more apt to think of one thing at a time.  Generally, this is true.  Of course, there are exceptions to all of the research findings.  Some men can multi-task.  For those men who find multi-tasking difficult, it is really hard to come home from work and immediately switch to the role of being a dad.  I remember reading in the 50’s that the wife should wait until the husband has been home from work 20 minutes before she starts telling him about the day with the kids!  Times have certainly changed as now many women are also working outside the home.  However, a man may still find it more difficult to adjust quickly to a different set of tasks from what he faced at work.  Also, many jobs now require the person to be on call for 24 hours. In this case, it is especially difficult to switch the mind back and forth to concentrate on what the children need.

         Many dads hesitate to discipline the children for fear they are not doing it properly.  They want the children to like them, and may fear that they only see him when he is scolding them for something, and will hold it against him.  The truth is that even though children may resent discipline for a time, in the long run there will be more respect for parents when they show that they care enough to risk not being liked for the sake of a child.  As for not being sure of how to discipline and teach properly, dads need to avail themselves of books and other information available to help them learn. 

Dr. James Dobson has written many wonderful books that give insight into how children think and react.  Dads need to visit the school and meet the teachers and get involved with their children’s activities. Also, dad needs to make sure there is a time each week for the family to have devotions and an opportunity for each family member to express any concerns or ask questions. 

         We can all learn and do better when it comes to bringing up the children.  Mom needs to be more patient with dad and dad needs to make more effort to learn about children and communicate with the family.

Note: Summer vacation is a perfect time to train children to do daily Bible readings. “My Thinking Book” is a daily devotional book designed for children to read for self or have read to them. Each day’s devotional is based on Scripture. Available at www.patlambchristianauthor.com, Amazon, or Barnes & Noble.

Children Can Choose Friends Wisely

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www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Train up a child…

Children Can Choose Friends Wisely

        

 It has been said that any person who has even three really good friends is truly blessed.  I don’t know if the number is correct, but I do know everyone needs and wants friends.  The trouble comes when we want friends so badly that we compromise what we know is right in order to make friends.  This sometimes happens in childhood.  When it does happen, it can have a profound negative influence on a child’s life.

         Children need to know the characteristics of a genuine friend.  They also need to know how to be a friend to others.  In addition, they need to know that they always have a friend in their family.

         It is a big temptation for children to “hang out” with those who seem to be the most popular.  Quite often, this is the situation that will tempt a child to do things contrary to what they have been taught in order to be accepted.  Parents need to teach children that true friends are those who want the best for them. A true friend would never want anything that would cause the person to get in trouble in any way.  True friends build up; they don’t tear down.  A good friend is one who cares for you even when you are not at your best.  A friend is someone you can trust, not someone you have to constantly try to please. Real friends will not put pressure to change or behave a certain way.  If children understand this, they will not succumb to peer pressure as easily.

         The Bible tells us that if we want friends, we must be friendly. (See Proverbs 18:24 KJV)  This means that they should exhibit the same qualities to others that make a good friend.  They should not be demanding, and always want the best for the other person. The basis of all good manners is kindness and consideration of others.  This holds true, as well, for making friends.  

         Many times a child may get in a situation where it is seemingly impossible to make good friends. When this happens, it is good for the child to know that there is always a friend at home in the form of mom, dad, brother, or sister.  It is so important to support children in this area.  Over and over it seems that children get in trouble because they are searching for something they do not find at home.  One of the reasons a person joins a gang is to make friends and feel like part of a family.  It was enlightening to have a gang member from San Diego, CA, in my GED class in Shell Knob a few years ago.  He told our class in speaking about his gang, “It’s your family, man, it’s your family!” 

         There is a universal need for love and acceptance.  We need to put children in an environment where they can make good, genuine friends to give them this love and acceptance.  Even more importantly, we need to help children realize that they always have a friend in Jesus who loves them unconditionally.

Time to Step up to the Plate, Dad!

parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…

 

Time to Step up to the Plate, Dad!

 

Mother’s Day is almost here! Now it wouldn’t be proper for Mom to remind the kids to give her a present. Moms have to depend on Dad to do this. It’s Dad’s place to work with the children and not only remind them that they need to do something to show appreciation for Mom, but help them to truly appreciate her.

If you wait until the last minute, you won’t have time to get the children to put real thought into what their mother really does for them. You need to talk to them and ask them to tell you all the things they can think of that their mother does for them and others. You need to discuss their mother’s likes and dislikes, so they will know what would please her. This time of year may be your best opportunity to instill an appreciation in the children for their mother.

Help the children understand that the gift needs to be from them. Chances are they may try to con you into giving them money so they can quickly go buy something. The truth is, in such a case, the gift is not from them but from you. It is better that the children consider their own resources and come up with something. Mothers appreciate gifts from the heart.

What mother does not feel like a queen when dad and the kids come bringing her breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day? Sure, the toast may be burned and the kitchen a mess, but it is the thought that counts. Of course, it is even better if she finds the kitchen clean and the toast is not burned! The most memorable gifts are those where time and effort have been combined with thoughtfulness in their creation.

I remember a Mother’s Day when our youngest son could hardly wait to give me his gift. He was so excited that I could tell he wanted me to push him to give it to me early. He had made a gumball machine in his shop class by using a pint jar turned upside down on a board with a hole drilled in it. The gumball would drop in the hole and another board could be pulled out yielding a gumball.

One Mother’s Day my husband called me to the kitchen where three of our four children were gathered. One by one, each gave me a gift personally chosen. This was in the 70’s when the fruit odors became popular. I received a bottle in the shape of an apple with green apple cologne inside. One of the children gave me some watermelon flavored bubble bath. The third child gave me some peach bath powder. I looked around for the fourth child. Finally, he came in the door from outside holding a used paper cup with a rose in it. He had been out picking a rose for me! He had not heeded his dad’s advice and had waited until the last minute.

Even if Mom goes to church smelling like a fruit basket like I did that morning, she will cherish the fact that the children made an effort to show their love and appreciation for her. Dad, help your children to do just that! Then, in a month, it is Mom’s turn to do the same for you!