Tag Archives: organizing

Checklists: Real Voice Savers

counseling, parenting, Raising kids

Train up a child…by Pat Lamb, www.patlambchristianauthor.com

Checklists: Real Voice Savers

         Have you ever found yourself yelling at the kids?  Dr. James Dobson says that trying to direct children by yelling is like trying to drive a car by honking the horn.  Have you ever thought about how tired you get telling the kids things over and over? There is a better way.

         Now, at the beginning of the new year, is a good time to make sure everyone understands individual responsibilities.  If responsibilities, consequences, and rewards are discussed now, things will go smoothly during the year.  Consequences and rewards need to be clarified so there is no misunderstanding later. Then, when children face consequences, it is by their own choice, not the parents, because they clearly understood ahead of time what would happen according to the choices they made.  No heated discussions need occur.  Parents can simply say, “I’m sorry that you made that choice.  You knew what the consequences were when you made your decision.”

         Making checklists can not only save your voice, but they can save much time and effort.  You may say, “But I don’t have time to make a checklist!” Believe me, it takes less time to make a list than to repeat the same thing over and over and then backtrack to see that things have been done.

         Start with making a list of chores that children need to do.  It helps to have the children actually do the list themselves with your input.  Children have a pretty good sense of what they can and can’t do. Our daughter, a single mom, used to have her children sit at the dinner table while she cooked the evening meal and have them do their homework and make out a list of what they needed to do the next day.  It worked beautifully.  The next day, she simply looked at the list to see what had been checked off.  If something had not yet been done, they discussed that evening how it could be accomplished.  They worked as a team.  The children fixed their own lunches in the morning before school and were able to do so because they had discussed ahead of time what they would have and listed those items.  After a few times, the list was not needed.  They knew what to do without the list.

         When our daughter’s children were in upper elementary and high school, a color-coded chart was put on the refrigerator.  It could be told at a glance what had or had not been accomplished.  When something was not done, our daughter simply said, “Dylan, I noticed that you haven’t checked off ________.  When do you plan to do it?”  The children were responsible for the task but were permitted to “trade off” with each other if soccer practice or something else interfered. If they wanted to go to a friend’s house, they knew that they could not go unless chores were done, and they didn’t even bother to ask.  

         I’ve never heard our daughter yell at her children.  Now her son is working in a responsible position and her daughter has a Master’s degree in civil engineering and works for a reputable company..  They are both very responsible individuals.  

         If you haven’t tried checklists, I urge you to do so.  They really work!

Children Need Help with Gift Giving

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Train up a child…

 

Children Need Help with Gift Giving

 

There is so very much emphasis on the excitement of children at Christmastime and the need to make sure that children get the things they desire to make them happy.  In fact, some have even said that Christmas is for children.  Truth is, Christmas is a time to recognize the birth of our Savior and it is for everyone, but we can’t help but want to make sure that children enjoy this very special time.

It is more important for children to experience the joy of giving than it is for them to enjoy the experience of getting, and the giving can make them happier than the receiving.  Some may think that this is not possible, but if we look closely with our mind’s eye, we can see that we quite often remember the gifts we gave more than the gifts we received.  It is the same with children.  Children, however, need help in their planning and giving.  This requires time, patience, and resourcefulness.

We need to take the time to help children make a gift list. This list should include parents, teachers, grandparents, and other special people in their lives.  It takes time, also, to help the children discover resources they have available such as money or materials for making gifts.  After this is done, we help the children make or purchase gifts.

It is not easy to be patient with children when we, ourselves, are so busy trying to prepare gifts for others. Time spent making a plaster of Paris handprint, a jar of brownie mix, or a jar of soup mix takes a little time that we may not feel we have available.  Making such gifts, however, provides a time of bonding and learning and is well worth the time involved. Many ideas are available on the Internet, and just looking up those ideas is a learning experience for children.

Children learn to be resourceful and at the same time are learning to manage their money as they work to provide gifts for the ones they love.  It is difficult for children to find anything to purchase with the limited funds they have. It is nice when adults help out with this problem.  Some have provided a “Holiday Store” for children.  The children go to the store with an adult and a list of names for whom they will purchase gifts.  The list also indicates the amount of money the child has to spend.  Items that have been provided by adults are available in the store, and they are priced very low so that the children can afford them. Some items are only twenty-five cents. Those on hand who volunteer to work in the store help the children count and figure how much money each thing costs and how much change they will get in return.

Who among us does not have some treasure from the past given to us by our children?  This year I hung, once again, a wreath made of plastic bags by our youngest son when he was in elementary school.  It provides another year of remembering his love for me.  I still have ornaments made of play-doh that go on the Christmas tree. They are still feeling the joy of giving as they see their mom still being happy at having received those gifts.   Christmas truly is a time to remember that it is better to give than to receive.

Make a List and Check it Twice

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Train up a child…

 

Make a List and Check it Twice

 

It seems that almost any direction we look, we are reminded that it is time to start preparing for the holidays!  It is easy to get caught up in all of the excitement and forget that the children need to be prepared for the season also.  Instead of just letting them “come along for the ride”, this year, why not prepare them to be an active part of all of the activities?

Checklists are wonderful for saving time and making sure we don’t forget something.  Here is a checklist for making sure all other lists are made!

  • Sit down with the children right away and explain the true meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
  • Make sure the children understand how our country was started and the story of the first Thanksgiving.
  • Talk with the children about what they have to be thankful for and help them make out a list of those things.
  • Read some of the Psalms from the Bible to the children that tell us to give thanks.
  • List with the children the ways the family has been blessed.
  • List with the children the ways the community and country have been blessed.
  • Tell the Christmas story to the children.
  • Read the Christmas story to the children from Luke 2 in the Bible.
  • Explain to the children that Santa is not real.Tell them that talking about Santa is a game that adults play to have fun with the children.
  • Ask the children whether they want to play the game of Santa, and if so, make sure they understand it is only a game.
  • Have the children make a list of people who are especially meaningful to them. Ask if they want to give those people a gift? If so, make a gift list.
  • Have the children list their resources for giving.This can include money they have saved or other things they may have to give.
  • Explain that the reason we give is to show love to others.
  • Explain that love includes self-sacrifice and concern for the happiness of others.
  • Explain that gifts can be things we do for others as well as what we may make or buy.
  • Explain that the Bible tells us that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
  • Tell some stories of personal past Christmas experiences to the children.
  • Read some good Christmas stories to the children.
  • Talk about decorations and decide each person’s task.

You probably noted that I did not mention having the child make a list for self wants.  The emphasis should be on giving to others, not getting for self.  Making a want list may be alright, but that is not what we should stress.  We can’t teach children to think of others when all we do is tell them to think of themselves.  We can’t have it two ways.  It is preferable for children to grow up thinking of what they can give, not just what they can get.

 

How to Help Children Plan Ahead

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Train up a child…

 

How to Help Children Plan Ahead

 

My husband and I were privileged to attend a workshop on poverty at the College of the Ozarks. One of the things we learned is that people in poverty usually just think about getting through one day at a time. In light of this fact, it would seem that it is very important to teach our children to think ahead and plan for upcoming happenings.

There are at least three things involved in planning ahead.  We need to know what is apt to happen in the future.  We need to know what our resources are, and we need to plan ways to use those resources to meet the needs the future events will necessitate.

Fall is a good time of year to teach planning ahead.  Even nature gives us illustrations as we watch animals scurry about storing food for the winter.     Scripture tells us in Proverbs 6:6-8, “Go to the ant you sluggard, consider its ways and be wise!  It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.”

Instead of sheltering our children from unpleasant happenings, we need to let them know the important things that are happening in the world.  We need to tell them in such a way as to keep them from panicking, but at the same time letting the children know that these are things to contend with.   Nature presents additional future events for which we should plan.  The cold of winter, ice storms, and tornados are common in the Midwest.  Earthquakes are common many places.  When we tell children that everything is going to be all right, we are not telling the truth. If children believe this, they see no need to think ahead and plan for events.

A “sit-down” session with children is appropriate for planning ahead.  It is helpful for children to write a list, if they are old enough to write, of events to plan for as well as a list of resources and the plan itself.  Parents need to discuss with children the location of resources such as flashlights and candles in case the electricity goes off in a storm.  Parents need to be honest about the money situation and enlist the help of the children in deciding needs versus wants.  Letting the children help in preparing a budget for the family sets a good example of what they should do when they have a home of their own, and the children will feel like they are part of the family team.

The actual plans of what to do in the various events need to be reviewed occasionally.  Not only should children be helped to plan with the family for natural occurrences and worldwide events, but they should also be helped to make study plans for the school year.  Upcoming events in the family need to be discussed and planned ahead as well.

Discussing future events, and planning for those events, actually helps children feel more secure. It takes less time to plan ahead than it does to wait until we are in the middle of something and then try to deal with it.  All in all, it just makes life go more smoothly!

 

Chores for Toddlers

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Train up a child…

 

Chores for Toddlers

 

Can toddlers really do chores?  Yes. Even at this early age, children should begin helping to keep the home as it should be. Will they do a perfect job? No. They will, however, begin the learning process of doing certain chores and gain the realization that they are important in contributing to the work that needs to be done.

All chores done by toddlers need to be supervised by adults.  Time spent teaching children at this level will pay big dividends in the years to come when the children are able to do many things without total supervision. Toddler chores are done alongside adults.  Keeping children busy helping out at this age prevents their doing things that cause more messes to be cleaned up.  Toddlers are usually eager to help and have that look of satisfaction on their faces when they are praised for their efforts.

 

Here are some things toddlers can do:

 

  • Pick up/put away toys. (It is helpful to make a game of this.Counting to ten slowly as toys are put away and trying to get them all put away by the end of the count makes a fun game of the task.)
  • Help unload the dishwasher. Toddlers can put away silver or plastic items that can be reached.They may need a step stool to reach the silverware drawer
  • Dust larger items with a feather duster as someone else dusts the smaller items
  • Use a small broom or Swiffer to help dust the floor
  • Pick up dirty clothes and put them in the hamper
  • Put clean clothes away in drawers that can be reached with a step stool, and carry clean clothes to rooms where they belong
  • Help scrub spots off the floor
  • Pick up things that are dropped as cooking is done
  • Stir some things that are being mixed in the kitchen
  • Dust baseboards
  • Take clothes out of the dryer and put them in the laundry basket
  • Carry dirty silverware from the table to the kitchen after eating
  • Throw paper plates and cups in the trash after eating
  • Go get items for mommy and daddy
  • Take items to others as directed

 

We tend to underestimate what children can do.  In days gone by, it was necessary for children to help in families in order to survive.  Children knew they were of value to the family as they performed necessary tasks. We have so many helpful tools now that we tend to allow children to have too much time on their hands.  Self esteem is achieved by actually being worth something.  Children find self worth through achievement of worthwhile activities.  We rob our children of this wonderful feeling when they are not allowed to participate in doing things that have value.

 

A Real Balancing Act

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Train up a child…

 

A Real Balancing Act

 

“I don’t favor any one of my children. I treat them all the same!”

“I know it isn’t right, but I just can’t help being partial to John. He is so much like me and understands me!”

The above two statements reflect a parent’s understanding that one child in a family should not be favored over another child. Parents struggle with the “balancing act” of treating each child fairly.

Why is it so difficult to be fair? At the outset, we as parents and grandparents know that there are no two children the same, so how can we treat them the same? We can’t treat them the same.

Each child comes with its own set of needs. We try to meet those needs as we labor to be a good parent. Then we find that not only does each child have its own unique set of needs, but that one child might have greater needs than another. What is a parent to do?

There is one area in which a parent can be the same with each child. The parent can love each child equally. Children need to be told that they are loved equally. They need to be told that you are trying to meet their needs but that their needs vary. Let them understand as early as possible that they will not each be treated the same, but that you will make every effort to show equal love. Tell them that sometimes you may call on them to help a brother or sister. As a family unit, we each should be concerned for the other members of the family.

When it comes to birthdays and Christmas, spend an equal amount of time, money, or effort on gifts. When you find yourself spending more time on one child than another, perhaps you could make a luncheon date with the slighted child so he or she can have a “place in the spotlight”. In fact, some parents try to rotate and take one child at a time to a special event. This is a great idea. A special time alone with each child gives an opportunity to discuss anything that may be on the mind of either the parent or child.

To choose one child over another because he or she understands or pleases us is purely selfish. We need to look deep enough into each child to appreciate that child’s qualities. Unfortunately, sometimes a problem arises in single parent families. For instance, a single mom who feels she has been treated poorly by an ex-husband may have a son bearing physical characteristics of that ex-husband. Every time she looks at the son, she is reminded of her former husband. She may pick on that child without realizing it due to the fact that he constantly reminds her of an unpleasant past. In such cases, she must make a special effort to control her inner feelings to prevent punishing a child for what its father did. The same can be true of a single father and daughter when a daughter may remind the dad of her mother who made him unhappy.

Being fair can be tough, but it can be done. Children can easily sense unfairness and find it difficult to forgive a parent. Children may carry grudges for life. No parent wants a child to have a grudge against him/her, so it would behoove parents to make a special effort to let their children know they are loved equally.

 

Being Organized Builds Confidence

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Train up a child…

Being Organized Builds Confidence

Probably every teacher and parent has witnessed a child at some time or another being frustrated because something could not be found. From “My dog ate my homework” to “Someone took it”, one excuse after another has been heard. Some children, believe it or not, are born as natural organizers. They are the ones who become engineers, auditors, or some similar profession. Most children, however, are not born as good organizers and must be taught how to handle things in such a way as to be in control of situations.
What can parents do to help children be better organized? They can be sure that a place is provided for a child’s belongings. They can help children let go of things no longer useful, and they can require children to put things in their proper places.
A child should, ideally, have a private room. Realistically, we know that this is not always possible. In either case, a child can be given his/her own space even if a room must be shared. Those of us who grew up in the years of the Great Depression remember covering orange crates with homemade curtains to provide shelves for books or other items. We used boxes under beds for personal things. (We even used baling wire across the corner of a room to hang our clothes since we had no closet!) Sometimes we could find old furniture to refinish for desks or dressers. It may take resourcefulness, but there are ways to provide places to put our belongings. Now, there are all shapes and sizes of plastic shelves, boxes, etc. for almost any purpose. Parents and children can determine together what is needed and figure out ways to provide for that need.
It helps to go through belongings periodically to get rid of items no longer being used. Broken things should be repaired or disposed of by giving or throwing away. Many of us are guilty of hanging on to things thinking that “some day” we will need something. Chances are that “some day” may never come. We need to be realistic about the things we keep around.
Once we have gotten rid of unneeded things and a place has been made for needed items, children should be required to put their things in the proper places. It is easy to get in a hurry and leave things lying around, but a child can get in a habit of putting things away if there is consistency in requiring the child to do so. A habit of neatness will be formed that hopefully carries through to organizing smaller things like notebooks, textbooks, desks, etc.
It is sad to see the look of hopelessness on a child’s face in a classroom when a paper can’t be found and the teacher and class are waiting for it to be produced. The child feels terrible! A child who is organized and can produce an item on demand feels proud and confident and unafraid of coping.