Tag Archives: love

Patience: A Characteristic of Love

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Train up a child…

Patience:  A Characteristic of Love

         If asked, “Do you love your children?” most parents without hesitation would reply, “Yes, I love my children!”  Most parents probably do think that they love their children.  However, when we examine the true definition of love, we might find ourselves falling short in this area.  

         If we examine definitions of love, we find that the 13thchapter of I Corinthians in the Bible lists the qualities present when there is love.  One of those qualities listed is patience.

         Do we have patience with our children?  In the hurry and scurry of everyday living, we can easily expect too much too soon from those around us.  It is not easy to wait for children to develop skills and make decisions at their own pace.  We sometimes forget that we cannot force a flower to bloom.  With plants, we water, nourish, and prune but the growth comes from within the plant.  So it is with children.  We nourish, and prune (discipline) and provide experiences and advice, but we cannot force the child to grow.  That growth comes from within the child.

         Unfortunately, some parents have a fixed image in mind of what they want the child to be when he/she grows up.  We have all heard of the football player who wants a son to be a football star, etc. In such a situation, the parent may be very impatient and take out his own disappointment on the child.  We need to realize that certain traits are inherent in children at birth.  Again, using gardening as an example, we cannot change a carrot to a radish; we can only try to develop a better carrot or radish.  With children, we need to cultivate those good tendencies or skills that came with them at birth.  We waste time and cause much frustration when we try to force children to be something other than what they are capable of.  We need to be patient as we help them develop into what their Creator designed them for.  

         It is important in the matter of discipline to be able to discern the difference between a mistake and intentional belligerence.  We would be naïve to think that children are born with only good intentions. Intentional belligerence requires immediate discipline.  Mistakes of a child, on the other hand, require our patience and teaching. Probably every child needs admonition at one time or another.  When our children are intentionally naughty, even though we must discipline them, we need to be patient in understanding that they are no different from other kids in that respect.  We should never make a child feel that there is no hope for improvement. I’ve known some parents who seem to really just grind their children down until the child feels there is no hope. Our patience with them gives hope. Without hope, children may either give up or become rebellious.  

         We can’t expect children to be as accomplished as we are.  We have several years of learning ahead of them.  When they seem awkward and break things, it may be because they are growing longer arms and legs and haven’t learned to adjust to the extra size yet.  When they don’t make the right decisions, it may be because they haven’t acquired all the facts and understanding they need to make those decisions.

         Patience is more than a virtue.  Patience is an indication of real love.

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         I

Love is Kind

parenting, Raising kids,

Train up a child…

 

Love is Kind

 

At this time of year with Valentine’s Day on our minds, our thoughts naturally turn to love. What is the real meaning of love?

This word is bantered around and used very casually, yet the true definition of love points out to us how we often fall short of really loving others as we should.

Real love requires effort on our part to demonstrate the characteristics that must be present to honestly say that we love someone. Love wants the best for someone else at the sacrifice of our own wants and desires. Love requires kindness to others. The quality of respect goes along with being kind.

Why is it that adults often think that they should show respect and kindness to other adults, yet they seem to overlook the children? Have you ever noticed how adults may stand and talk about children right in front of them as though the child did not hear what they were saying? We would not do that to another adult. Why do we do it to children? It is unkind and often embarrassing to a child to be talked about in such a manner. Comments overheard at these times can affect children for the rest of their lives.

I remember an incident that well demonstrates how children can be affected by adult conversations in their presence. When we were young, my mom would dress up my four sisters and me every Saturday and take us to Monett, MO, shopping. She prided herself in the little starched feedsack dresses she would make for us. On one Saturday, a lady came up to her in the J.C. Penney store and started talking to her. “Ethel,” she said, “I don’t know how you do it. All of your little girls always look so pretty…every one of them.” We all stood there feeling so very wonderful as she continued to exclaim about how pretty we were. After a little more visiting, she got ready to move on. As she was leaving, she looked down at me and said, “Ethel is this one yours, too? She doesn’t look like the rest of them.” For years, I felt like the “ugly duckling” of the family.

Innocent remarks can greatly affect a child. We need to give more thought to our words and actions in front of children. It is a good feeling to watch the pastor of the church my husband and I previously attended as he always made a point to shake hands with the children as well as the adults. It was not unusual to see him walking along with an arm around a child and talking to that child with the same level of importance as that given to adults. This is the way it should be.

The elderly President Bush once remarked, “Let’s make this a kinder and gentler nation.” That kindness and gentleness, as well as respect for others, begins within each of us. If children are raised with these qualities of love, they are more apt to express them when they are grown, resulting in a kinder and gentler nation.

 

Checklist for Love

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Train up a child…

 

A Checklist for Love

 

Most of us really believe that we love others as we should. However, when we take a close look at the true definition of love, we may find ourselves falling short of where we should be in loving our children and our fellow man. Based on the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the Bible, we can ask ourselves the following questions to see where we really stand when it comes to loving as we should.

  • Am I willing to wait when my children don’t seem to “get it” right away, or do I get impatient and start yelling at them? (Love is patient.)
  • Do I speak to my children with respect for their feelings, or do I make unreasonable demands on them? (Love is kind.)
  • Do I feel badly when the children of someone else seem to do better than my children and start putting undue pressure on my children to perform better? (Love does not envy.)
  • Do I brag to others when my children do better than theirs? (Love does not boast.)
  • Do I use good manners with my children by saying “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, and “I’m sorry”? (Love is not rude.)
  • Do I get angry easily with my children, or do I understand that children are of equal value to adults in God’s sight? (Love does not get angry easily.)
  • Do we forgive our children when they make mistakes or do we keep an ongoing record in our minds of what they have done wrong? (Love keeps no record of wrongs.)
  • Do I always think I am right and demand that my children not have an opinion of their own, or do I listen to their thoughts before making up my own mind? (Love is not self-seeking.)
  • Do I feel good when someone else “gets what is coming to them”, or do I feel sad that wrong was done in the first place? (Love does not delight in wrongdoing.)
  • Am I happy when my children make the right decisions and take time to praise them for the good things they have done? (Love rejoices in the truth.)
  • Do I protect my children from things that would harm them physically, mentally, spiritually, or socially? (Love protects.)

These are lofty standards to strive to attain. I suspect that no one adheres to them all the time, but we profit by knowing what is expected of us when we are commanded to love God and others. As we train our children, we need to try to set a good example. Just as we fail from time to time, so will they. We need to work as a team in continually striving to love as we should.

Cherish the “Sweet” Days

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Train up a child…

 

Cherish the “Sweet” Days

 

Recently in a phone conversation with our daughter-in-law, she told me that our four-year-old grandson was having a “sweet” day. She related that when they went shopping and she lifted him out of the car, he softly and gently said, “Mommy, I love you.” Later, when they were in the store and she had him by the hand, he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. What precious moments!

“Oh,” you say, “but it doesn’t last!” Well, actually it can last. Of course it cannot be every moment of every day that children express their love, but there can be an ongoing inner love that leads to respect of parents. This in-dwelling love should also be present in the parents for the children.

Most people would quickly bring to mind the teenage years when children so often tend to disrespect parents as they struggle to “leave the nest” and become independent. I dare say, even though there are times of friction between parent and child, the foundation can be laid that ensures that children always come back to that expression of love.

When our oldest grandson reached puberty, I called him aside and said, “Now, Dylan, you are about to become a teenager. I want you to be like your Uncle Charles. When he was in high school, he was never afraid to give me a hug no matter who was watching.” It worked. Dylan gave me hugs in front of his peers all through his teenage years. He was never afraid to show affection to his mother as well. His younger sister followed his example and also showed affection to her mom and grandparents.

A worse scenario than a teen who refuses to show affection to parents, is the grown-up who speaks sharply to aging parents or shows disdain when a parent does something that the grown-up child finds distasteful. How often have we heard, also, of the aging parent in the nursing home who receives few or no visits from adult children?

Dr. Adrian Rogers once remarked in a sermon that he would never allow his children to speak disrespectfully to their mother. He said that their mother went through much pain to bring their children into the world. As they grew, she changed their diapers and cared for them in many ways. As a father, he wanted his children to know that they owed their mother respect and that they should treat her with dignity.

Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone would love and respect everyone else? As Valentine’s Day approaches, we think of love and its meaning. Let’s teach our children that love means that we care for others whether or not they see things the same way we do. When others make their best efforts, let’s appreciate those efforts and not be judgmental and critical. There are ways of expressing our beliefs without hurting others. After all, we are all learning and growing every day. Everyone makes mistakes. The mistakes of others are no worse than our own. To love others doesn’t mean that we have to agree, but it does mean that we should be kind, patient, and longsuffering. Let us practice this love to our children as we expect them to practice it to us in return.

I know of no better description of love than that given in the 13th chapter of I Corinthians in the New Testament. It would be good if we all read this chapter often.