Tag Archives: raising chilfren

“As a Twig is Bent”

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by Pat Lamb Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book; Love is… Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and patlambchristianauthor.com

 “As a twig is bent, so grows the tree” is an old saying meaning that a child grows in the way it is influenced. A child enters the world with inherent gifts and traits.  It is God’s intent that each child grow in wisdom, stature, favor with God, and favor with man.  It is the task of those nurturing the child to do all possible to help the child grow to be a “straight tall tree”. There are three major influences in our society to help that child grow.  The home is the basic place for attitudes to be developed.  The school focuses on   academic development, and the church focuses on the spiritual development.  There is overlapping of areas at each location, but the focus is as described.

         The home teaches attitude mostly through example.  It has been said that attitudes are caught, not taught.  Probably, attitudes are both caught and taught.  Attitudes are developed by where emphasis is placed. If emphasis is placed on self pleasure, then an attitude of “If it feels good, do it” will probably be produced and the child will spend his/her time and effort on pleasing self. If an emphasis is placed in the home of service to others, an attitude of self-sacrifice will be produced. If an attitude of eagerness to learn and humility is in the home, a child will more likely do well in school and society.  If children are constantly praised and told how wonderful they are, they may develop an attitude of “I’m alright the way I am. I don’t need to learn anything.” If a child is corrected in a loving way when needed and praised when deserving, he/she will be more likely to see the need to learn and improve, knowing that making a mistake is a way to learn. If a child is rewarded undeservedly, an attitude of entitlement may be the result. 

         Schools receive children with many different attitudes.  Teachers can do a limited amount to correct an attitude. Some have said that the basis of attitudes is formed before a child ever begins first grade. Praise and correction can help mold attitudes, but if the teacher has to spend a great deal of time correcting attitudes, less time is available for teaching the academic needs of the child. (Sometimes we fail to realize that when things are added to a teacher’s requirements, something must be subtracted.  There is a limited amount of time available and teachers must work within that time frame.) Quite often, teachers in many schools must spend so much time on discipline that very little time is left for instruction of subject matter. Why is there a discipline problem?  Usually, the discipline problem is due to the wrong attitude.  A child with a good attitude is the child most likely to behave in class, want to learn, and succeed in a job as an adult.

         The church focuses on the spiritual foundation of children.  Without a spiritual foundation, children have no moral compass.  They do not know what is right or wrong and become very confused and frustrated.  Children move from one teacher to another in school and each teacher may have a different set of values.  Children from broken homes often must deal with a different set of values from each of their biological parents, stepparents and grandparents.  Church can help a child sort through the philosophies and differing values required of them and come to a place of certainty as to behavior. 

         It is not easy to be a child and have to make many decisions before being equipped to do so.  Children need the help of loving parents, teachers, and church workers to “bend” them in a direction pleasing to the God who created them.

Sometimes Dad’s “Got No Respect”

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Train up a child…

Sometimes Dad’s “Got No Respect”!

       It is too bad that sometimes dad does not have the respect he should have in his family.  I’m sure he feels like Rodney Dangerfield at times when he would say, “I got no respect!”  No matter what kind of dad he is, dad deserves a certain amount of respect simply because he is dad.  However, there are many things he can do to make respecting him easier for all with whom he comes in contact.  Following is a list of suggestions:

  • Dad, say what you mean and mean what you say.  When you tell a child to do something and then don’t follow through to see that it is done, the child thinks you will forget it the next time and he/she can get by without obeying.
  • Don’t make promises you may not be able to keep.  Learn to say, “I will try to do ______” instead of “I will do ______”.
  • Show respect to the children and their mom.  You will get respect in return.
  • Be kind and gentle to mom.  The kids are watching how you treat her.  If you mistreat her, they think they can mistreat her also.  They love their mom and will resent anyone hurting her.  They will respect you for being patient with her and treating her nicely.
  • Speak kindly of neighbors and acquaintances.  
  • Honor your debts.  Pay bills quickly and try not to be indebted to others.
  • Discipline the children out of love and concern, not anger.  They know the difference.  When you discipline with anger, it is because you are thinking of how you have been inconvenienced, not what is best for the child.
  • Spend time with the children and take interest in their activities at school and church.
  • Be quick to say “I’m sorry” when you have done wrong. False pride causes us to think we will be disrespected if we admit weakness, but actually the opposite is true.  
  • Be honest in all business dealings.  The kids are watching.
  • “Take the bull by the horns” and be the spiritual head of your household.  Make sure the family goes to church.
  • Remember birthdays.  Do whatever it takes to help you remember even if it means putting notes on the bathroom mirror.
  • Practice what you preach.  “Do as I say and not as I do” doesn’t work.

         How often do we hear, “Kids show no respect anymore”?  One of the reasons some children do not respect parents and other adults is that we do not do the things necessary to earn that respect.  We can each improve in this area.

Dad Reflects God to Children

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by Pat Lamb (Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book. Available on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, www.patlambchristianauthor.com )

Train up a child…

Dad Reflects God to Children

         Everyone who believes in God has an image in mind of what He is like.  The mental image we have of our Heavenly Father is greatly determined by the image we have of our earthly father.  Children naturally associate the word “father”.  They reason that what one father is like, the other father is probably also like. 

         If children have a father who has left the family and is not meeting his responsibilities, they are likely to decide that God, the Heavenly Father, cannot be trusted.  If they have had trust placed in their dad betrayed, why should they believe that any other father can be trusted?

         Children may have an earthly father who has not left the family physically, but who does not meet his responsibilities in the home.  This situation can have the same or similar effect of the father who has left the home.  They again see an individual who cannot be relied upon.

         If dads have unreasonable expectations of children and are too strict with them, children may develop an image of God as a stern taskmaster who will not love them if they make a mistake.  If they never seem to please their earthly dad, they may reason that they will never measure up to God’s expectations and simply give up without trying. They may fear punishment from God to the extent that they want to avoid Him.

         When dad fails to express verbally his love for his children, they may not believe that God really loves them.  

         If dad is always “goofing off” and everything is fun and games to him, children may not develop a sense of seriousness about what the Heavenly Father expects from them.  Dismissing all actions of children and not holding them accountable for those actions may result in children feeling that God will let them get by with anything

         If dad doesn’t think it is important to study the Bible and go to church, the children will probably think that God is not important enough to spend time on and give attention to in worship.

         If, however, dad is a godly man who truly loves his children in a scriptural way, children will probably grow up realizing the importance of God in their lives and want to serve and worship Him.

What an awesome responsibility to be a dad!  Truly, children not only walk in dad’s footsteps, but they form their lifelong beliefs by dad’s behavior.  If we adults truly examine our image of God, we will probably find that at least part of it is similar to our earthly father.  Fortunately, Bible study can correct much of the negative views of God as we read about God’s true characteristics.  The sad truth is that when children have been raised with wrong attitudes, they may never seek the truth and may never learn the difference in order to form a correct image of God.  

There is no doubt that dad sets the tone of the home.  He is designed to be the head of the home and whether or not he consciously accepts that designation, there are results of his behavior that cannot be avoided.  It is not a matter of do as I say and not as I do in raising children. Good examples produce good outcomes. Bad examples produce unwanted outcomes.  Our children are with us for such a short time in the whole scheme of our lives.  While they are young, we need to be willing to give up personal pleasures and do all we can to obtain the tools we need to raise our children with a realistic image of God.     

Children Need Rules

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by Pat Lamb (www.patlambchristianauthor.com)

Author of: Let the Children Come; Children, Come to Me; When the Stars Fall Down; Widening the Church Doors to Teach the Narrow Way; My Thinking Book (Available on my website, Amazon, or Barnes & Noble)

Train up a child….

Children Need Rules to Live By

         Children who have no rules to live by are insecure and restless.  They are not successful in life and always seem to be seeking satisfaction and never finding it.  They are not happy children and do not make happy adults.  There is no certainty in their actions and they wonder if they are being accepted in society or not– and most often they are not! Parents, teachers, grandparents, and others are doing children no favors by letting them get by without obeying rules.  

         Rules must be appropriate and fair.  There are rules that are non-negotiable, rules that are negotiable, and rules that are self-imposed.  

         Non-negotiable rules need to be instilled in children early, so they can be taught at a very young age that certain ways of behaving are not open for debate.  Parents must determine these rules.  In our house one of those rules was that children were never to hit a parent as many babies are inclined to do when they don’t get their way. A parent can hold a child’s hand and firmly say, “Do not do that!” Of course, a baby will continue to try to have its way, but repeated and consistent rebukes will eventually stop the baby from trying. 

In addition to not hitting or sassing parents, our children grew up knowing that the family attended church regularly, and that was just something we did.  Other non-negotiable rules should include: not stealing, always telling the truth, taking care of things, using proper manners at the table, and being polite to other people. Each set of parents will have its own set of rules. Parents can simply tell children, “There are certain things we do and certain things we do not do at our house.”  It is necessary to follow up with consistency and not allow misbehavior to go unnoticed, even once, according to the rules that are set.

         After the “absolutely must” rules are in place, other rules need to be made for the day-by-day activities. It is much easier for children to obey this type of rule when they have had a part in crafting it. Ideally, adults and children express problems and discuss ways to correct the problems.  The rules are written down and placed in a prominent place for reference. If the rules deal with chores, a chart can be made for children to check off the chores as they are completed.  

         Many parents feel that they don’t have time to discuss rules with the children.  Actually, a family meeting saves a great deal of time. It becomes unnecessary for the parents to keep reminding the children if the rules are written down and the chart has been checked.  Whenever the parent glances at the chart, he/she can simply say, “Johnny, I see that you haven’t done your chore.  When do you plan to do it?”  

         Patterns set in the home for rules are carried over in the personality of the child, and that child becomes a person who imposes rules on self.  Children, who are accustomed to rules, understand that rules are important and they make their own rules for getting homework done or managing their relationships.  Our granddaughter once told me, “You know, Nana, I always do the hard stuff first to get it out of the way and then I don’t mind doing the easy stuff.”  This was a self-imposed rule that worked for her. As children do each task, they do what is called “self talk”.  This “self talk” often includes self-made rules that they follow.  

         Knowing to follow the rules eliminates uncertainty. They don’t have to wonder if they have done the right thing.  They know that they have done the right thing, and the fact that they have acted correctly helps in building self-esteem. There is an inner peace and assurance of rightness. Not only does the child feel good about him/herself, that child will probably receive many compliments from others, and that adds to self-esteem. When parents are fair and rules are fair, children learn to live by the rules in society.  I have never seen a child who seemed really happy who didn’t know how to follow rules.