Train up a child…
The Language of Touch
Recently, our three-year-old grandson came climbing up on the couch to sit by me to play with my ipad. I reached down and helped his little squirming body up beside me. As he snuggled in close, I bent over and kissed the top of his head. I was surprised when his little hand came up to the front of my shoulder and gave me four soft, gentle, little love pats. We both felt loved by the other!
It is often the touch of bodies that speak louder than any words. Touch can tell a child of the love and encouragement from others, but it can also tell of feelings such as anger, impatience, or frustration.
When parents or teachers get angry, it is a real temptation to vent those feelings on children who cannot retaliate. Adults have been seen to jerk a child out of a car or pick up a child and plop the little one down with too much force. It is often anger that is behind many spankings, shakings, or slaps. The anger leads to frustration and impatience on the part of the adult that often leads to abuse of a child.
When a child is upset, a soft hand by an adult on the shoulder of the child can soothe and calm the hurt feelings. When a child is feeling defeated, a little hug can be reassuring. When a child scrapes a knee or gets hurt in another way, holding a child close says to the child that everything will be alright. Everyone loves to have a pat on the back for accomplishments. Children need hugs often from parents. A good strong hug each morning before the child leaves for school helps the child be calm during the day. All of these touches are illustrations of encouragement.
It is uncanny how children can read adults! Someone has said that you can’t fool children and dogs. I don’t know about the dogs, but I do know that we often don’t give enough credit to the way children can understand us. The way we touch children speaks volumes. We can tell them through touch that we love them easier than we can convince them with words. When we spank too often or pull or jerk children around, we are telling them that they are a real bother to us and we wish they weren’t present. This is a terrible feeling for children to carry around. When they do wrong and we give a hug anyway, we are telling the child that we love them in spite of their mistake.
Loving, bodily touch is so very important. I remember an incident with our daughter when she was in first grade. It was my habit to hug each child every morning before they went to school. On one occasion, our daughter was upset with me and wouldn’t accept my hug. The next morning she again refused the hug and walked slowly down the driveway. At the end of the driveway, she turned around, came back and gave me a big hug. “Mom,” she said, “yesterday we didn’t hug and things didn’t go right all day!”
Yes, touch has a language all its own!